There are times in our life that we feel nobody understands us. Nobody knows what we are going through. It seems like the struggles we have faced and the emotions we have felt have gone unnoticed and have been overlooked.
Often times I know I have been hurt not only in the words people say to me, but the attitude, tone or actions that they are done. Even though someone might not say any mean words toward me it is the way they treat me and the tone. Often times I don't think people realize how much their actions and words hurt. They just think the things they say go in one ear and out the other. While that may be true for some people, I take to heart how I have been treated. It hurts when people don't care about their actions and words. They don't seem to realize how they affect someone else.
Lately it feels like the life I have experienced so far has had so many intricate parts, valleys, dips and cliffs that have occured. It seems hard enough for me to realize how it's all affected me let alone trying to explain it to someone else. I feel like when I try to explain my past and how it's affected my life today it's hard to see how it has impacted me. I know everything I have gone through has shaped me into the person I am today. Sometimes I get angry at my circumstances because I wish I was as carefree and happy when I was little. Sometimes I get upset with the introverted, scared, worried person I have become. But I know that God has a plan for everything that has happened.
It seems like through every stage of my life I have someone in my life who is always trying to change who I am and trying to make me better because they think I'm not worthy enough for who I am. It hurts to have someone constantly tell you that you aren't good enough for who you are and that you need to change to be worthy. It really has lowered my view of myself and also made me feel inadequate.
Sometimes I don't feel like people understand me and realize that I am as quiet and reserved as I am because of the things I've been through. Losing my dad at a young age and having a mom who was sick for years after really hindered my social life since we stayed at home a lot (except for school). Also I wanted to be close to my mom when she wasn't doing good because I saw my father sick for months before he passed and I didn't want to lose my mom too. This impacted me later on in life because I didn't have the urge in my early teen years to go out and be social with people; I'd rather be home with my mom and sister where I knew I was accepted since I usually didn't feel accepted with my friends at school. I felt unprotected and uncertain of myself because I didn't have my dad there- it was like I was missing the other half of me.
But even through all the struggles in my life I have grown closer to God. I have seen Him work. I may not understand why all the things happened in the past, but I knew they were to strengthen me and show me that when I had nobody else to rely on, I had God. I have found myself in so many places and hard times but God has always been there to help me through the pain. I have seen Him work in so many ways just over these past few months with deadlines for classes and ideas for projects that I never thought I would overcome. I know that when it seems like nobody else understands why I am the way I am, God sees my whole life and knows each detail about me.
God understands your life too and He sees everything that has hurt you, impacted you and made you become the person you are today. Know that even though you felt like things were harming you and the things people said hurt you, God was still using it to help you grow- we just have to choose to look at it with the right perspective sometimes. Know that whatever you are going through right now God is using it to better shape you into who you are. You are special just the way you are and God loves you just for being you!
By the way, I put up a poll, so if you'd like to leave your opinion I'd really appreciate it!