Catching a Breath

Finally got a chance to catch my breath this week so I thought I'd post here on my blog. Somehow it always helps when things are hard to just express myself here on my blog.

I don't think any words can express what I've been feeling these past few days. I don't even understand what I've been feeling let alone trying to explain it. I don't think I've ever struggled so much before. It's been so hard trying to find an eternal or hopeful perspective and just trust in God. It has felt like God hasn't been here with me through this trial of my life. I feel like I left Him back at home before I came to college. I feel like something within me just wants to give up, stop trying and drop everything that is so stressful, painful and upsetting right now.

Who would have thought just one teacher could make things this bad and make my whole outlook on life, my major and on God change? I've never been so upset with someone criticizing my work before. It hurts so very much when someone is nasty and does not display one bit of kindness and only points out the wrong in you and your hard work. It's like sucking out all the good in you and broadcasting to everyone all your mistakes and faults.

Lately I just feel like all hope has been removed from within me and all I feel is pain, fear and dismay. Even though people have been supportive and understanding it just doesn't seem to be helping this time. It may help for an hour, but then I'm reminded of the future and the long long semester that lies ahead of me.

Maybe you've been going through something similar. Maybe something has been so terribly hard that you don't know how you'll be able to stand another day. Maybe you are looking at your future and all you see is darkness and uncertainty. Maybe someone has been so hurtful to you lately and you can't seem to find the good in them. Maybe circumstances have made you feel unqualified or untalented.

No matter what anyone tells you, no matter what anyone says, no matter how anyone treats you- just remember this. God things YOU are worth it. God thinks YOU are utterly amazing. God sees YOUR constant effort. God sees YOUR beautiful heart. God knows what YOU are going through. God sees YOUR bravery and courage. And NONE of it will ever, and I mean EVER go unnoticed.

Sometimes things that are easy for others are harder for us. Just because some things aren't hard for others doesn't mean that God overlooks how much you try, preservere and the strength you put into those things. God sees the amount of effort and bravery it takes you. He doesn't compare you to anyone else and sees just how hard YOU have been trying. He knows you down to the littlest detail and doesn't let one hurtful word get past his judgement on others. Those who have hurt you, bruised your heart, cast you down, told you that you were unqualified, those who made you feel inadequate...every single one of them will be accountable for what they did to you when they reach heaven. Every single one of them that has been chipping away at your good intentions and pure heart will not get past God without a fair judgement on how much they hurt you.

John 16:33

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Psalm 56:8

 You keep track of all my sorrows.
    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
    You have recorded each one in your book.