My life has felt like a constant flow of ups and downs, roller coaster rides and sharp turns. Once I begin to feel content, God changes my circumstances. Once I feel like there is a clear direction, I feel like there's a sharp turn in the road. Just when I feel like I can begin to accept myself, the next minute I wonder how anyone could love a mess like me. Just when I seem to get over comparing myself to everyone else, I lose my confidence and feel unattractive. Once I begin to find someone who seems to care, I feel replaced, ignored and unwanted.
Life feels pretty uncertain right now. Every direction I look is a road with no clear direction. Every door is half open, but not completely opened or closed. Nothing seems certain anymore. Once one thing goes wrong, doubts start flooding in. I begin to question my existence, my career choice, my worth and if I truly matter to anyone.
After a hard day, like today, where everything in the world seemed to go wrong, it's hard to find good in situations that seem so daunting. One thing that I have found to help me through is remembering where to focus my attention. Is it how others perceive me? Is it what they think of me? Is it based on the thoughts I'm thinking? The doubts Satan tries to throw at me to discourage me? Am I focused only on the negatives? Do I place my joy in things that will not satisfy?
Sometimes I have to refocus my attention off of the problems and things that feel important. I have to remember why I'm here. I have to remember my mission. Am I here to be loved, feel important, be successful, be perfect or have it all-together all the time? No, I'm here to show God's love to the world, even if I don't get any in return. While I'm far from being anything from perfect, I know that God still loves me with all my mistakes. He accepts me when I fail and make a mess of things. Often I feel like I don't have any love to give to others, when I feel like I'm empty. It is then that I need to ask for God's help to give me the love to show others and the strength to overcome the hard days. True love is giving it when we may not get any back.
God has really shown me that I can still have joy even after I have a horrible day. I don't have to dwell on my mistakes or shortcomings, because God sees my heart, knows the effort and He sees.
If you are facing a difficult time and it is draining you of your joy. God is right there with you. Seek after Him. Remember that your day and what others think of you doesn't have to define your joy. You can find true happiness when you focus only on what really matters and what God sees. When we focus our attention on God and we blur everything else out, we can find joy in seeing ourselves how God sees us! We are precious and loved in His eyes. He created us on purpose with a purpose.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
I Peter 5:7
Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.