There's so much to learn and you wonder how you'll ever arrive to where everyone else is. Your hopes and dreams seem to be aimed too high and you begin to wonder if they are even possible. You are afraid of the future that lies ahead because you feel like you won't make it.
You wish your life had some meaning to it and all you feel is emptiness. Everyday is the same struggle and you are left each night hoping maybe tomorrow will be better.
Do you ever just get tired of everything? nothing seems worthwhile? everything you do seems like a mess. tired of dealing with the same problems? tired of all your flaws and mistakes?
I guess recently I was just waiting to start up the life I had always dreamed about. Becoming a graphic designer out of college and starting my own business has been something I've aspired to do for some time now. Lately it just seems like it's dragging and I'm losing ammunition to keep going. I feel like everything I learned in college is now just put on hold and is fading away. I feel like I'm stuck in a place where I can't seem to find where God wants me.
I'm one of those people who likes everything planned out and certain. I know God's really testing me right now with the the plans for my future. I don't have anything figured out and it's driving me insane. But maybe when I feel in the least control that is when I realize just how much I need God. Our lives weren't made to be perfect. Without the hard times or bad days we wouldn't see God work or rely on Him. I know that the uncertainty is hard to deal with right now, but if it's allowing me to grow closer to God and lean on Him it is worth it. The things I do in this life are menial compared to my relationship with God.
Sometimes I allow others to get a hold of me too. I get all caught up in what people think. I look too deeply into people's motives and words and often I take things too seriously. Usually just when I'm beginning to feel accepted by someone I go and mess something up and I feel terrible about myself and what they might think of me. Knowing God will never change is one of my favorite characteristics about God. Also, knowing His view of me will never change is so reassuring. I mess up so many times and I feel like such a failure, but even when I feel like the dumbest person God still looks on me with love and admiration. He accepts me even when I don't accept myself.
So if you feel like your future is uncertain and you wonder what God's doing with your life right now, just take a few minutes and go to Him in prayer. Ask Him to show you the way and to work through all your situations and plans. It may seem like a mess right now, but if it's God's will it is a worthy mess that is allowing you to draw closer to Him. Remember He always loves you no matter what you've done or how many mistakes you've made.