If God loves me then why is my life so hard?
If God is really there why doesn't He answer?
If God is here for me then why do I feel so alone?
These questions have passed through my mind many times before and sometimes I don't know why things are so hard or why God doesn't seem to answer. My past has not always been as pleasant as it appeared to many. I grew up feeling rejected by my friends and felt mistreated often. I felt like I was easily forgotten and overlooked. Many thought since I was a shy person and that it didn't matter what they did to me because they knew they could get away with their actions since I wouldn't speak up or say anything. I was viewed as the quiet girl who seemed happy with her life while inside I was breaking, feeling flawed, used and I felt invisible.
One small example of this is looking back to my high school days- I would most often be the last one picked for teams in gym class. I still remember there was one time that everyone was picked and nobody even realized I was still standing waiting quietly to be picked to be on a team. I had to go up to the teacher to figure out what team I should be on because nobody picked me- it was so humiliating. Looking back at it now it still hurts, but I can laugh at it and know that what those people thought of me and how they treated me does not define me now, and it never did- it defined them, just how my actions defined me. How people treated you in your past defines their character- not yours. We all will be held accountable for our own actions and how we treated others.
This past year has been so twisty and stressful that I feel like my head is still spinning. So many big choices to make, long roads, so many burdens and fears. I feel like this past year has been the toughest I've ever had to experience and I'm glad I was able to overcome it with God's help. I can see now that even though I didn't always feel God's presence, love or comfort through every trial- I know that He was there working at the time. I can look back and know that all those hard days, lonely nights, heart-aching burdens, heartfelt tears and missing those I love was all worth it.
Often times our lives feel like one rough climb after another. Just when we get through one rough patch another seems to be building up so high that it looks impossible to climb. Just when we feel like we can take a breather we feel forced up another rough hike onto a dark road that seems to have no end.
Testing of our faith and determination truly shows us what we are made of and how much we trust God. It shows us how much we need God. It shows us how much we can overcome when we rely on Him. There are things I went through this past year that I would have never thought I could have overcome a year ago. Even though to some, the things I overcame may seem insignificant or stupid, but knowing God helped me through shows me that He will continue to guide and give me strength for the future.
It may seem like God is far from you. Your world is crashing down. Everyone seems distant. You feel alone. You wonder what God's using this stage of your life for? You can't see through the fog He's put in your path. You don't know what lies next. You worry of what might happen in the future. You wonder when He'll answer you.
Just remember God is right beside you. You aren't in this alone. You don't have to do it by yourself. You don't have to fear. He will help you through. He will make things right. Whatever you are feeling right now is in God's hands and He knows how much it is impacting you. He sees your pain and He is using whatever you are going through to strengthen you and prepare you for what lies ahead. There is purpose for what you are going through. Keep trusting in Him and follow His lead. He will get you through this.