I feel like lately I haven't been going to God as much with my choices and I've been fowling things up instead of asking for His will to be done. Now the plans I thought I once had now are all messed up and it is eating away my happiness. I feel like God is trying to show me to come back to Him and seek His will and not mine. Sometimes I forget that this life isn't about me, but it is all about what God is using me for.
Lately I have felt so used, unfairly treated, stressed, upset and forgotten that I feel like there is nothing good to hold onto. The summer I had planned out to be so amazing is being eaten up by my unplanned future and fear of what lies ahead. I know I shouldn't be worried because God reminds us to leave everything in His hands but I have such a hard time with giving my control to someone else.
I've also had a hard time with forgiveness. Especially with something so recent in my life. It has really made me feel so bitter and angry that I can't let it go, at least not yet. Forgiveness takes time and doesn't happen overnight usually. I think God understands that. Just recently with teachers and people I have felt so eaten away and worn to the bone with the comments, grades and actions of people and I don't think I can take much more. I can't face another hurtful comment, unfair grade or lack of consideration.
I hate worrying about the future and I grow so impatient when things are uncertain. Right now I'm just trying to find peace and contentment with where I am and not worry about what lies ahead. God brought me through this past year and provided friends and support and I know He will continue to be there and provide what I need to get through. He has never left me and never let me down. The only times I have been let down is when I start making my own choices off what I think is best for me.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Don't grow tired and quit. You've made it this far and you can finish. God is with you and He sees all that is going on. He sees the injustice. He sees the work it takes. He sees the sin of this world. And He will make it all right.