Being home for Christmas break and listening to music up in my room while I type away on my laptop eases my mind and leaves me longing to go back to how things once were. It seems like so many things have been changing in my life right now and I just can't seem to stop them. It's so hard when changes come all at once, especially bad ones. Going away to college and coming back home was a big enough change in itself. Now my grandmother just sold her house, where she lived for the past 50 years, and now she is in the hospital and plans to move into a nursing home soon after. Seeing her in so much pain right now leaves me feeling helpless and hurting. It hurts me knowing that she has always been there for me and my family my whole life and now I can't do much to help her with all she's going through. Also, not seeing family for Christmas and feeling like we are drifting apart doesn't help either.
The past two nights I have been reading in Psalms and I read this verse that stuck out to me.
"But I trust in You O Lord, I say You are my God. My times are in Your hands." Psalms 30:14-15
This verse reminded me that no matter what we may be going through we know that God has it all under control. We know He is working things out when we can't see through the thick fog clouding our way. Soon enough we will get through the "fog" and see the light. Sometimes all we can do is trust and pray for God to help us through and heal us. I feel like I have so many worries on my mind right now and I just want to get away from all this world fills me with and just feel peaceful.
God often allows us to go through hard times to bring us closer to Him. I feel like recently in my life I haven't been as close to God as I once was and it hurts to know I'm failing at keeping my relationship with God. Maybe with the difficulties right now God is trying to help bring me back to Him since He knows that it is something that has always brought me to Him before.
Maybe you are going through some hard things right now in your own life. Maybe people have pushed you away. Maybe stress has overtaken your life and left you feeling empty and hurt inside? Maybe you've been struggling physically and you are in a lot of pain? Maybe you just can't take another day of work? Maybe you feel so alone and you just want to give up? Maybe you're tired of trying and seeking approval? We all have so many worries an struggles we face that we feel nobody truly understands or realizes.
I try to remember when nobody else seems to see how I'm feeling. When nobody seems to see the pain deep within my heart. When nobody knows how much it hurts. When nobody understands all I've been through I know I can look up to God. It is so reassuring to know that He has seen me since the beginning of time and He knew every ache in my body, every scar left on my heart, every burden within me, every circumstance that I went through, every bend in the road. He knows everything about us and He knows just how we feel because He created those feelings and planted them within us since the beginning of time.
Sorry this post was so long, I just felt like there was a lot on my mind. :)
As you may have noticed....I did change my blog design- a more wintery feel to it. Feel free to vote on my sidebar of what you think of it! Thanks so much for dropping by!