I know I haven't posted in a while, I just haven't felt anything on my heart to share I guess.
Lately I've been having a hard time feeling content in the place where God has put me. I've been searching to be other places than where I am right now and I just want to break free of where God has me right now. I've been rushing through each day waiting for it to be over while I'm in this "place" and not really living where God has me right now. I've been trying to find God where I am and seeking Him, but I just feel like I can't grasp Him here. I know He is here with me but I just don't feel that closeness as I once felt.
Lately I have have been feeling annoyed with myself as I have not been able to show the love I once used to. Maybe it's grown too tiring? maybe I've been slacking? Maybe God's been telling me to not become too vulnerable? I don't know, but the love I once found myself showing everyone has become a lot harder to show towards the people here at college. Maybe part of it is having to live with them as well. I feel like my heart has been battered and beated with so many different emotions recently and I don't know how much I can handle feeling neglected, used, walked on and ignored.
It's so hard to get focused on what we want in this life. Where we want to be. Who we want in our lives. What we deserve. What we think we need. I have to continually remind myself that my needs and God's needs for my life are totally different. I feel like I need so many things right now in my life, but God hasn't been fulfilling them. God must have more faith in me than I do in myself since I didn't think I could handle living without the things I wanted, but I guess God knows I can.
Maybe you aren't content with where God has placed you. Maybe you wished you were back at your old school. Maybe you wished you had different friends. Maybe you wished your family was closer. Maybe you wish you had more friends. Whatever it may be, know God has placed you where you are right now for a specific reason. God never allows things to happen without there being a purpose- and a good purpose at that! Don't go rushing through this season in your life. Use this time God has given you to fulfill your purpose where He wants you right now. Don't be afraid of where God has you. He wants to do something spectacular with your life- you just have the courage to do it.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.