4.05.2013

Growing up Without A Father

So I thought I would post about something from my past for today's post. Wow, where should I begin- I feel like there is so much to say and I'm not quite sure how to express it through a shortened blog post- so it may be kind of long.

Growing up in a Christian home was such a blessing. Things seemed perfect and life was good when I was little- I couldn't ask for a better home and parents. But I remember as I got a little bit older things started changing and I could sense problems and difficulties in my parents lives. My dad had been having health problems since he was very young, but I was just beginning to notice all the stuff going on- trips to the hospital and seeing him in pain (I was 5 or 6 at the time). I remember that Thanksgiving night (even though it is pretty blurry in my memory). I remember my dad staying at my grandparents house because he wasn't feeling to good to drive the hour drive back home. I never knew that this would be the last time I would see him. And the thing that breaks my heart the most is not knowing if I told him I loved him.

I remember the next morning my mom awoke me early in the morning after receiving a phone call from my grandfather saying things did not look good. We drove down and found that the ambulance and police where at my grandparents house. I remember we couldn't go inside so my uncle and aunt took me and my sister around the block and told us what had happened. My dad had stopped breathing through the night and was laying on the floor when my grandparents found him that morning. They believe that there was a mass in his lung and it ended up bursting. The strange thing about it is that earlier that night my grandmother went to the bathroom and she saw a light downstairs (where my dad was sleeping on the couch) and heard voices- thinking it was the tv on. But in the morning there was no light on and the tv was off. We all like to believe it was angels coming to take my dad to heaven. : )

I feel like that day changed who I was. I became a different person and for the first time I felt true and sincere pain. A loss that I had never felt before. And I didn't fully understand how I was feeling or what had happened since I was 6 at the time. As the years progressed I began to withdraw from people and I became more reserved and quiet. I wasn't as confident in myself as I once was- since I felt like something was missing within me- a place only my dad could fill. I felt unprotected and that I was susceptible to danger and was unprotected. I wanted someone to be there for me and tell me things would be alright. But God helped me through and He still is. A few months later I became saved and accepted Jesus as my Savior. I wanted to make sure I knew where I was going when I died.
http://media-cache-ec1.pinterest.com/736x/fa/00/5b/fa005bd4f9eb16c5e79ab49afc8e9b85.jpg
Growing up without a dad has left me feeling like something was missing in my life and I longed to be accepted by others. I just wanted to fit in somewhere and wanted someone to show me love. Even though the pain of loosing my dad became more familiar to me as the years progressed, the pain of not having him here with me still grows deeper each year he misses something in my life. But I like to believe he can see what we are doing and he knows what is happening. I also look forward to the day when I can look my dad in the eyes, hug him and tell him how much I love him and how much I've missed him. Sometimes I pray and ask God to tell my dad how much I love him and how much I miss him. But for the time being (and forever) God is also my Father and He is always taking care of us, protecting us and providing for us. I remember around the time my dad passed away the rose bush beside our house died as well. And the next spring the rose bush had 3 roses on it for each of us (my mom, sister and I). I felt like it was God's way of saying to us that He was providing and taking care of us- and also a gift from my dad too. It is neat to see the ways in which God works!!

I though I would let you all know that I did not want to write this so anyone would feel pity or sympathy for me- I just wanted to let you get a little glimpse of my past and to write something that others who have also lost someone they loved could maybe relate to as well. So, have any of you experienced a loss of a loved one or friend?

18 comments:

  1. WOW, this post really inspired me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww...glad that it could inspire you!! :)

      Delete
  2. Wow, Britt, you have an amazing story.....I know it is so hard for you and has been growing up without an earthly father. But I am so happy that you had a relationship with your Heavenly Father and He was able to help you through! And He always is!

    Lord I pray for Britt today, that You would heal the hurt in her heart, God, and that through everything she's experienced that she would draw even closer into Your arms and that she would be able to remember her past as forever bringing her closer to You. We thank you that we can always count on You as our Heavenly Father, and I pray that Britt would always know this and that she would be comforted and cherished by You. And I thank You that she can share this to people as her testimony, and to encourage others, instead of locking it all away. I thank you for the blessing and the true encouragement that she is. In Your Name, Amen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hannah. Thank you so much! you are amazing. You always encourage me and help me feel so much better! thanks for always being there for me. You understand and care in a way in which nobody else does. You take time to listen and get to know a person- and what is even greater is that you pray for them and do it sincerely. Thank you Hannah. You are so incredibly sweet!! Thanks for praying Hannah, it described what I was feeling and experiencing. :) Thanks for being a friend I can count on and loving me no matter what! :)Thanks for taking the time to read my post and comment!!!!

      Delete
    2. Aww thank you, and you're welcome, Britt....you're such an amazing encouragement to others, and I'm glad I can be an encouragement to you!! I'm always here whenever you need someone to talk to and to pray for/with you. Just let me know. :)
      You're so very welcome...and thank *you*!! love you :) yls

      Delete
    3. Hannah, thanks so much for your sweet comment. Thanks for always being there for me and helping me through. I am here for you whenever you need someone too!! :) Thank you!! ybs, Britt

      Delete
  3. Thank you for sharing this Britt...It's a beautiful post although so sad--It must be hard without a father. But you're a living inspiration to so many people, I'm sure your dad would be proud of you. Thanks for being who you are and May God bless you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww...thanks so much Bethany. You are so kind. Thanks for your comment and dropping by my blog! Your comment truly encouraged me. God bless you too :)

      Delete
  4. Wow, that was a really inspiring post. I'm sorry about your dad. Thanks for being a great inspiration, that's why i love your blog so much. <3
    xox,
    Meg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much Meg- you are so kind!! :) Aww...well thanks! :)

      Delete
  5. Britt is was really encouraging to read that post! I am so sorry for what you had (and still have) to go through with the loss of your father. I'm so glad you came to know the Lord, and I just feel sorry for people like that who had to go through losses like that, and they never came to the Lord. It must be so confusing to them, but we know that everything that happens is God's plan, and to the glory of Him. At least your father died in a peaceful way, and hopefully without any pain;).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for your comment Betsy!! :) Yeah, I totally agree- I don't know how I would survive not knowing Jesus and having a hope that I would see them again in heaven. Thanks for dropping by!!!

      Delete
  6. I am sorry you had to go through all of that, Britt. I'm sure it was/is hard for you. <3

    I've experienced something kind of like that, except it was with my great grandpa. He was in his 70s I believe...like you, I was young. 4, or 5, actually. I still think about him now and then. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww...you are so sweet Emma. Thanks for your kind comment!! :) I'm sorry that you had to experience the death of your grandfather at such a young age too- I'm sure that must have been hard on you. It hurts sometimes remembering the past and not being able to spend time with that person still. Thanks for your comment Emma!!

      Delete
  7. Such a beautiful post, Britt. And the story about the roses is amazing...God is so awesome and He can be so personal with us, even when we don't expect it. I am so sorry you had to go through such a huge loss at such a young age! I am glad that through this extremely sad experience, you decided to become a Christian. I know that your dad is SO proud of who you have become!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much for your comment Jessica!! :) Yeah- I totally agree- He is so personal with us and touches us so uniquely!!! Aww...thanks Jessica- you are so sweet. Thanks for dropping by!!

      Delete
  8. Have you ever read the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge? It is very good and somewhat addresses this need for a fatherly love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comment! I've never read that book before but I'll check it out- thanks for letting me know about it!!

      Delete