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Something's Missing

Have you ever felt like something was missing in your life and you just couldn't put your finger on it? Have you ever felt like something that happened to you in the past was just so unforgettable and you just can't seem to let go of it? How many times throughout my life I have been in a situation and wondered how much longer until it would be over. I was never happy in the present and was longing for the future, only to find that lying ahead was something else just as hard that I would want to rush to get through.

Throughout highschool up until 11th grade I always waited for the day that I would graduate and do something that was different, something that was not routine and just move on to the next step of my life. I was tired of the people in school, they always broke my heart, made me feel insecure and hurt my feelings. Most days I would come home and cry from the way they treated me. But never did they know that they were hurting me. I would act like everything was okay and put on a smiling face to hide the pain. And now looking back I wish that I could go back to my last year of high school. It was then (and only then) when I actually felt confident, needed and loved. Not totally loved, but I had friends and people who knew me. I felt like I was finally getting to the point where I was accepting myself and others were beginning to accept me, but then it all changed and I had to graduate (the thing I was longing for for so long) and now I didn't want it to come. I didn't want to move on with my life, but I had to.

Now I feel like I don't feel content with where I am either. I keep focusing on the future and I am worried for what lies ahead and I can't just be happy with where I am right now. I keep trying to pray and ask God to help me take one day at a time and be content with where I am and live in the present, but my mind keeps going to the future. These past few days I really have felt God give me confidence to face my future without having to fear. Yes, the fear comes and haunts me every once in a while still, but I keep reminding myself of that truth that God is going to help me with whatever lies ahead. He can help me do the impossible and things I never thought I could. Sometimes just looking back at all the things He has done to help me through the past reassures me that I can face the future.

As I mentioned in the beginning of the post about feeling like you were missing something in life but you couldn't quite grasp what it was? for me that something is actually a someone. I know I've talked about my dad a lot on my blog before, but he is the one thing that I feel has left a hole in my heart. I feel like when my dad died, part of me died with him. I think the biggest part that died in me was my courage and confidence. Before my dad died I would talk to anyone, but after my dad died I became quiet and didn't talk much. It has been hard growing up and seeing how I used to be in home videos of when I was little and I wish I could be the same confident, talkative little girl who wasn't afraid to talk to anyone. But I have to keep reminding myself that God chose me to change after my dad's death for a special reason. The change in my life may seem disappointing to me, but God is using it somehow for His plan. And the changes that have occurred to you in your life God is going to use too. God can also use your insecurities as a connection with others and it can allow you to relate to those people better. God doesn't need perfect people to work through- He just needs a heart that is willing to trust in Him and be humble.

Well, those are just a few of the thoughts on my mind. Hopefully you have a great day! And thanks to you all who have gone and filled out my survey! I REALLY appreciate it! I didn't think there would have been that many : ) Thanks for visiting my blog!


  1. Britt, I'm sorry for all that you've been through. But God is going through it with you! So, just keep trusting in him (:

    1. Oh, aww..thanks so much. You are so kind. Thanks for your kind comment! And thanks for encouraging me. You are such a great friend! :)