When Life Feels Small

Another week goes past. The same struggles. The same issues. Some things just never seem to change.

As an aspiring designer seeking to grow my business and attain personal goals, I find myself often feeling unaccomplished. There are days that pass that I feel unsuccessful. It is a hard balance to achieve all that I want to become while still living my life to the fullest intent God has for me. It feels like a constant battle to reach a larger audience, while still remaining faithful to God and not getting caught up in the publicity side of things.

While I seek to reach others and use the talents God has bestowed upon me, I have to continually remind myself that it's not about the likes, comments, followers or popularity. It's all about having the right heart while doing what God calls me to do. Sometimes it's hard to remain patient in times of inactivity. We may be putting in the effort, but we don't see any results.

I've been comparing my life to successful friends and entrepreneurs and feeling discouraged at times. Where I would like my life to be in comparison to where I currently am is so distinctively different. Things that I wished would have occurred by now have become far-fetched dreams. Things that I wonder if they will ever be fulfilled.

Maybe you've been seeking God for guidance or answers, but it seems as though you have not gotten the answers or direction you've been pleading God for. Currently I'm enduring through a season of uncertainty of what God is expecting of me. I've been seeking Him for direction, but I feel like I'm headed nowhere.

I've often wondered how am I supposed to know what to do with my life now, if I don't have any direction? How can I plan out my life if I don't know what God has in store for me?

Maybe you feel discouraged with your life. Maybe you feel like every aspect of your life feels uncertain or unknown. Although it's not an enjoyable place to be, I think it is where God desires us to be the most. When we aren't relying on our strength to establish our plans or determine our steps, we need to rely on the only One who can work through our uncertainty and lead us in the path He has established for us.

Can I just be frank in saying that I've often felt as though God's plans lead me down a path of difficult terrain that leave me feeling broken and tired. I look around and see others on a different route full of happiness and success, while I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. At times it has felt as though God was trying to strip away my happiness. It was like He didn't want to see me happy. I've grown weary in the wait and wondering if the unexciting life I seem to be leading will ever turn out like I've dreamed. Although I've felt these emotions before, I know they are not based on truth. God never delights in seeing us suffer. He may allow suffering, but He is doing it for the sole purpose to strengthen us, not to ever harm us.

I've come to the conclusion that God has never called us to plan out every detail of our lives and feel responsible to determine our steps. I've burdened myself with the duty to plan out my future so that I could find success in my career, relationship status or personal walk with God. Although my aspirations may be filled with good intentions, it has quickly taught me that my plans are not God's plans. I may think I know what I need, but God knew what I would need before time began and intricately knows my heart better than I do. He knows the effects of the things I desire and how I can only see a tiny piece, when He sees the end result.

God just asks us to have the faith of a mustard seed. Being that it is one of the tiniest seeds created puts into perspective what God intends our faith to look like. He doesn't expect us to have an extensive amount of faith, but finds joy in even our tiny forms of faith. In fact, once planted, mustard seeds can grow to become the largest of all garden plants. Even the tiniest seeds of faith can blossom into the largest victories.

If we have the willingness to "plant" our seed of faith, God will sustain it and allow it to grow. Even when it feels like nothing is occurring and we're awaiting our opportunity to grow, we can rest assured that God is strengthening us through the unknown. In times of uncertainty it is best to seek after God and closely walk with Him. Spend extra time in His Word. Surrender your plans to Him. Ask Him to direct your paths. When we submit to Him, He will do what He has promised, to direct and lead us in the way we should go. When we know that God is leading us, we have no need to be anxious or afraid. We can rest assured that in the uncertainty and foggy future, that feels like it is taking forever to get us to any sign of hope, is God leading us directly in the way that He has deemed us to go. And when planted, the tiniest of seeds can produce an abundance of fruit that only could be grown with both sun and rain.

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. // Matthew 17:20

In Prayer [Free Download]

I’ve found the discouragement of my situations debilitating at times. It feels as though I’m losing the fight and my life is crumbling into pieces. I’ve grown discouraged in feeling God near and working in my circumstances.

How often I forget that God never intended us to carry the weight alone. We have a powerful tool to help equip us against the enemy and struggles of this world. I have to admit the excessive amount of time I’ve spent discussing my problems with others and my thoughts running rampant, instead of handing them over to God through prayer. How I overlook the power of prayer and handing my needs over to God so He can work through them effectively.

 I decided to put together eight prayers that have been on my heart recently. Prayers I have prayed in intimate moments in my own personal walk with God. I hope that you could find them as encouragement in your prayer life as well!

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When My Thoughts Grow Restless [Poem]

My mind continually pulls me into a trap of deceptive thoughts

Leaving my stomach anxious and tied up in knots

I grow fearful of the future and uncertain of what lies ahead

Sometimes I become so lonely on the path that I tread

Where are You Lord? What are You doing?

Sometimes the plan You have for me can feel so confusing

Questions arise that keep my mind up wandering all night

Thoughts that leave me doubting and wanting to give up the fight

Buried hurts that run so deep, they feel like more than I can take

Why won't time seem to cure this penetrating ache?

Each new struggle is another blow on a wounded heart

Allowing the memories to come rushing back in and tear me apart

Wondering what good is coming from this enduring struggle

Seems like my hope and strength are beginning to crumble

My life feels so uncertain and unclear

Lord, please give me wisdom to not give up and to preservere

Remind me to focus only on Your perception of me,

Because You look so much deeper than what the world can see

When I feel like this world rejects me and I don't belong

Be my strength, O Lord, help me remain strong

Don't let me lose heart when thoughts attack and prevail

Help me remember that You never forsake and Your love never fails

Give me direction and fill me with Your peace

Help me give over the worries on my heart and let my suffering cease

Abolish all thoughts that haunt me of these painful memories

Don't let me fall into Satan's deceptive treachery

Restore my focus to be set on You

Help me overcome, please see me through

Take my life and use it for something of worth

Help me live for eternity, do what's right, and not focus on things of this earth

Give me the strength to let go and hand over my burdens to You,

Because I know that You're the only One that will see me through

Thank You for always remaining by my side

And desiring to love me for who I am on the inside

You value my worth and understand my every heartbreak

And when the world rejects me, I know You will never fail or forsake

You delve deep inside and see my heart

You aren't afraid to remain close even when I'm feeling broken and torn apart

Take my life and use it to fulfill Your plan

Because I know You're using the uncertainty and painful things in far better ways than I can ever comprehend!

The Fear of Saying No

Have you ever felt like your day-to-day responses only consisted of "yes" answers to other's requests? Have you found yourself unable to say "no" when you're feeling overwhelmed and worn out? What reasons do you find are the source of your inability to refrain from taking on too much?

I am one of those people who has a very bad habit of being unable to say "no" to the incessant requests that others throw my way. I often find myself overworked in doing favors for others because I have the fear of letting them down. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy when others reach out to me, since I find great encouragement in being able to help. Although, I admit my weakness when it comes to saying "no." I don't want to put others in a bad situation and disappoint them. In all honesty, I want to be perceived as the person others can count on. I want to be reliable. I admire to being their "go to" person in times of need.

Let me just say that there is a fine line between being reliable and being overworked. I can't count the times that I've put myself into stressful circumstances only to please others. I try to avoid conflict at all costs, so usually the best solution is to just push through it, even if I'm privately grinding my teeth through the process.

Seeking to fulfill other's expectations, we place the pressure on ourselves to fulfill their every desire in fear of looking incapable or imperfect. We don't want to appear flawed, so we do whatever we can to put on the mask of being superhuman and working ourselves to the bone to accomplish what needs to get done.

It is here where it is difficult to distinguish how far is too far in serving others. When do you decide whether it's time to say "no" when you feel so burdened to say "yes?" When I turn down someone's offer, I feel guilt flood over me, thinking that I let them down or appear ungodly for not being willing to help them out. While God admires a servant’s heart, He also desires that we prioritize our lives effectively.

I tend to prioritize how others view me over God's perception of me. Often times I find happiness and contentment in knowing I am helping someone else. While this isn’t wrong, I have found that it so easily transforms into selfish desires in trying to impress others. Even though I may be serving, my heart sometimes gets so caught up in the desire to satisfy the needs of others with selfish intent as my motivation. My happiness has fed off the expectations of others, instead of setting boundaries and focusing on the true purpose of God's intention of helping others. I don’t need to take on more than I can handle to be fully loved and accepted by God.

I can’t count the times I’ve taken on too many things in the fear of letting others down and appearing incapable. I’ve felt like I’ve had to prove my worth by taking on too much. In result, I became worn out, weary and run down, resulting in my time with God being impaired, and probably looking like a total maniac in the process. It was during these times that I felt I didn’t have enough time for God. If I only knew that I needed God the most during those times to get my perspective right. I can't count the times that I prioritized helping others, thinking I was doing the right thing, when in reality, my relationship with God was being so greatly neglected in the process.

We may feel the need to consistently say “yes” when our schedule is screaming at us to say "no." God doesn’t expect us to wear ourselves thin in serving others. Especially when we’ve forgotten why we're serving and we’re only in it to gain praise, fulfillment or personal gain. God desires us to have a servant's heart, but it all stems down to why we're saying "yes." Is it to receive praise, recognition, profit or to people please? Are we only saying "yes" to find fulfillment and look good in front of others? Maybe you even have the right heart intent in saying "yes" but you're finding yourself overwhelmed and stressed out with too many commitments.

Is your relationship with God being impacted due to your many commitments, pulling you away from the one thing that will satisfy your heart? Helping and serving others is something encouraged by God, but He never intended us to over-commit to things that will hinder our relationship with Him. The things we're doing don't influence God's love for us, but rather, He looks deeper into our heart's intent. He values when we take the time to spend with Him and desires that our heart be sincere in our relationship with Him before all else. We don't need to "do" anything to be loved and accepted by God. We don't have to prove ourselves to others to be valued by God. When our heart is right, we will have the desire to genuinely serve and help. When we are faced with opportunities flooding in we can seek God in prayer to ask for direction as to which areas He desires us to say "yes" to and which areas we should say "no" to. 

Take a few moments in prayer and ask God if there are any areas that are pulling your attention away from Him or if He would desire you to say "yes" to. Seek Him for direction and wisdom in prioritizing your commitments and opportunities to be used to strengthen your relationship with Him. God admires a servant's heart who is willing to love and help others, but He never intended you to meet up to everyone's expectations and become overwhelmed by too many commitments.

The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected. // Proverbs 29:25

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. // Galatians 1:10

Driven to Impress

Have you ever felt burdened with the continual expectations of perfection you need to meet up to day after day? Are you tired of feeling like you need to hide behind the fake facade you display for others to see?



It's a never-ending battle to feel accepted in this world we're in. We live in a society that tries to include everyone, but by doing so it is impossible to effectively please everyone, resulting in people feeling upset and overlooked.

As a graphic designer, I've found it challenging, and very belittling at times, with the constant influx of opinions and ideas thrown at me day after day. I put my heart and effort into a project to make sure it's the best I can do. I spend time trying to focus on what each client is desiring, and create something I think they will like. It's a struggle to not become discouraged when things don't meet up to the expectations of others. When others voice their negative feedback of my work it feels personal. It seems as though my work wasn't good enough, making me not good enough. I've carried this aspect into various areas in my life.

I don't know about you, but I find myself constantly basing my worth by my performance. I allow how others perceive me to become truth in my mind. I conjure up thoughts in my head of what I think others may be perceiving me as, and at times, I probably let them grow way out of proportion. This leaves me feeling insecure and leading me to become discouraged, all because of what I imagine others are saying or thinking.

People pleasing is extremely tiring. Once we begin to feel accepted, it seems like we're always awaiting a drastic rejection to occur. If you've ever ridden a roller coaster, consider it smooth sailing in comparison to the act of pleasing others. When you take a ride to please others, you're in for some mountainous road ahead.

I have recently come to realize that no matter how many people may be watching or expecting me to rise up to their expectations, I only truly have an audience of One. I can find rest knowing that when I'm fulfilling the task at hand I only need to be focused on doing it for God, and nobody else. It relieves me from the pressure and opinions thrown at me from every side that expects me to perform with perfection. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. God sees our heart and our sincere intent. Others may mistake our actions, but God sees our true intentions. Knowing this truly puts things into perspective and allows me to remember the drive for my effort. It gives me peace knowing that I don't need to be perfect or flawless to be used by God.

It is a constant battle to fulfill the need to please others and consistently meet up to the endless levels of perfection we see around us. In today's society, ideas of who we are and where we should be in life bombard us from all sides. Expectations choke us in discouragement when we cannot fulfill the accomplishments of who we think we should be. I've let so many of these thoughts grow at insurmountable rates into debilitating truths that feel so defining of my worth.

Thoughts like: 

1. You have to be perfect all the time. Mistakes define you. Admitting your faults shows weakness. 
2. You can't admit you are feeling upset or struggling. You can't be real. 
3. You have to be at the top to be successful. 
4. You have to be making good money to be happy. 
5. You have to be married early in life, if not, something's wrong with you. 
6. Rejection displays that you are not worthy of love. 
7. You need to blend in with society, different is bad. 
8. The amount of friends you have determines your value. 
9. You need to be good at everything and if you're not the best, you need to be. 

Now, let me take a moment and switch those worldly perceptions into truths God has given us.

God's truths: 

1. You have to be perfect all the time. Mistakes define you. Admitting your faults shows weakness. I sent my Son to die for you, so through Him you don't need to be perfect. I choose those who are imperfect and weak in the eyes of the world for greatness. 
2. You can't admit you are feeling upset or struggling. I understand what it feels like to struggle and face the pain you're in, I created it, so I know. You can be honest with Me, I already know what's on your heart. 
3. You have to be at the top to be successful. I desire to use those who are willing and humble. I choose the lowly and outcasts to do amazing things. 
4. You have to be making good money to be happy. True joy is only found in me. Money and fame will not bring long-lasting contentment. 
5. You have to be married early in life, if not, something's wrong with you. I have an amazing plan for you. I will provide exactly what you need in My perfect timing. 
6. Rejection displays that you are not worthy of love. Others will reject you, but I will never leave or forsake you. My love for you will always remain the same. Nobody loves you more than Me. 
7. You need to blend in with society, different is bad. This world will not accept you, it's okay. Because you live for Me, others will reject you. Choose to shine in this dark world, because you were created to make a difference. 
8. The amount of friends you have determines your value. People or possessions don't determine your worth. I created you in My image and you are valued in My sight. I'm on your side. 
9. You need to be good at everything, and if you're not the best, you need to be. Others look at your performance and focus only at what they can see, but I look at your effort and your heart's intent. 

When others criticize something I've done or reject me for who I am I allow it to dig deep into my heart and grow into seeds of humiliation and discouragement. I empower those thoughts to define who I am, while I'm losing sight of God's perspective of me. Others perceive me through only what they can see, while God looks past the appearance and delves deep below the surface. He sees the real you and doesn't focus on all that you've messed up, but sees you as valuable and loved. You don't have to perform or meet up to His expectations to make Him proud.

I've always found great consolation in Moses's transparency with God. I've never been good at expressing my thoughts through spoken words, so this passage with Moses has always comforted me in times of speaking.

Exodus 4:10 

But Moses pleaded with the LORD, "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled."  Then the LORD asked Moses, "Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say."

God chose to use Moses because he was willing and humble. God chose Moses, not because he would accomplish the task with flying colors, but because God could show His power through someone who was imperfect. God doesn't place expectations of perfection upon us. He will supply what we need, but we just need to have trust and a willing heart.

God doesn't love or accept us for who we are or what we will become, but loves us despite our mistakes and imperfections. We no longer have to feel defined when someone criticizes us. We don't have to feel unworthy when we can't fulfill the expectations others burden us with. We can be reminded that no opinion should ever take the place of God's view of us. He wants to protect us from the weighty load of carrying everyone's opinions and judgments and refocus only on what He sees. We can rest in God's truths in how He sees us, because they are unchanging and flawless. People's perceptions and opinions are based solely on whims, one-sided thoughts and faulty ideas, while God's perceptions of us are based on truth, remaining the same amidst the test of time.

Proverbs 29:25

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

New Devotional Study!

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In a world that constantly drives us to find our satisfaction in anything but God, it can leave us feeling empty and our attitude fluctuating with our circumstances. In this devotional study I share ways in which you can look at your life full of stress, worries and unmet desires and find a steadfast joy knowing that God is truly enough.

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