Blog Moving

Hello All! For any newcomers or returning readers, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm posting on my website now instead of continuing to post on my blog here.

I will list the link to it below so you can either subscribe to my email newsletter or read online!

https://brittlaurendesigns.com/blog/

Thank you so much!

Desiring a Deeper Love

Maybe you consider yourself wise and knowledgeable. Maybe you show no racism, no favoritism or hate. Maybe you reach out to the poor, give of your time or money. Maybe you view yourself as an influence to others. Maybe you even go to church and pray. Maybe you know all the right words to say to others. Maybe you always are one to win an argument. Maybe you are generous with your finances. Maybe you do all the right things, but something feels like it is missing. There's one tiny ingredient in everything we do that makes what we do worthwhile. Love. Not just the romantic love you have for your crush or spouse, but a much deeper purpose of love.

In I Corinthians this kind of love is referred to as "Agape" love. This kind of love isn't found in anything other than of God, because it is love at it's purest source. Only through Him can we offer this kind of love to others. It's a love that comes from a desire to offer ourselves with no self-promoting or self-seeking desire to attain something in return.

I can't count the endless times I have done what appeared to be good and right, when underneath I was doing it for selfish gain. I want to live a life that doesn't only speak to be heard. Does not share only to be applauded. Does not give only to be rewarded. Does not write only to be read. Does not accept only to be included. Does not convince only to win. Does not pray only to receive. I want more to my life than to reach heaven with great intentions, but only to be left with hollow, meaningless actions for selfish gratification.

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 

If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. "

I Corinthians 13:1-3

I don't want to waste away my life only doing things that appear worthy when the primary One I'm serving desires a different form of love. I want my life to be the visual representation of God's agape love; a love that runs deeper than the shallow love this world has craved to fill the void inside. The love this world knows won't satisfy. It won't remain. It isn't eternal. 

Only what we did for Christ will remain. Is the love you show only to receive love in return, or are you the proof of His everlasting love, expecting nothing in return to those you offer it to?

This song sparked the topic of my post and I think it does an excellent job articulating the verses in I Corinthians 13:1-3. I especially like the monologue in the middle of the song as well.

Stuffing Emotions

I like to be real and authentic, but sometimes I catch myself faking a smile or forcing a laugh when I feel differently inside. Going along with the "crowd" is often easier than taking a stand, although I beat myself up for it later. I want to be real. I don't want to go along with everyone else to seek acceptance. I don't want to do something just because everyone else is doing it. It takes courage to stand up and hold fast to who you really are, and even greater, remaining faithful to God. I fall short in this area and shrink back in fear of being perceived as weird. I let the fear of being rejected keep me silent, and isn't that what Satan wants?

In this day and age it is difficult to live for God and not feel rejected by the world. As Christians, others should see a difference in us. They should see our lifestyle is different than theirs. Unfortunately since we are different, people will use our faith against us, resulting in us feeling excluded and alone. Others will use our faith as a reason to treat us differently because of Who we serve. Jesus warned us that rejection in this life would occur. Even though it feels personal, He said that we can take great delight in knowing that we are considered His royal children and it is because of this we are treated differently. We are chosen and accepted by Him, and that's all that truly matters. Others may perceive our intentions wrongly, but God sees our heart.

Matthew 10:22 

You will be hated by everyone because of Me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.

One of the primary ways I people please is through stuffing my emotions. I've often found myself feeling bitterly upset, hurt and broken within, while on the outside I can force a laugh while trying to hold myself back from the tears welling inside. I've found myself hiding how I really feel when my opinions differ from others and it could lead into confrontation or conflict. I avoid conflict at all costs. I'd rather suffer through the pain than face opposition. I've come to find that when I stuff my emotions deep within it builds up over time and some days it just explodes out of control. Sometimes I just can't take hiding the pain anymore and I need to release it all.

Stuffing how we really feel and hiding who we are is not healthy for us. God never intended us to hide our thoughts and struggles. While it is not intended that we go around expressing our every thought and opinion disrespectfully, we do need to express who we really are and not shrivel back in fear. I've allowed fear to become so debilitating that I have missed so many opportunities God was calling me towards. If only I could tap into God's power and rely on Him instead of my own strength.

I've often found that my standards and lifestyle is different from most. I was raised in a home with strong morals and a Christian upbringing. Growing up in a home where we didn't drink, dance or curse has caused my lifestyle to be different than most. I have to be honest in saying that there have been many times I've kept quiet and felt afraid of expressing my strong beliefs due to the fact that others don't have those same standards and would think of me as being too strict. I prefer to abstain from things that could influence my mind or walk with God in an inappropriate way or lead someone else into sin from my actions.

Being different from the world can be tough. I'm the type of person who hesitates in expressing thoughts or ideas due to the cost of rejection. I let my fear overtake my confidence. I stuff my thoughts, opinions and emotions deep inside so it doesn't cause any conflict or awkwardness with others. Sometimes I feel like remaining silent is the key to looking normal. Then I am reminded that God has instructed us not to become silent in us living for Him. I'm not here to lead a normal life and fit into every box that society has laid out. I don't want to live a cookie cutter life fulfilling all the desires and expectations others have of me because I'm too afraid to live out my faith freely.

I have found that the more we do to be different for God in this life there is more opportunity to be criticized, rejected and judged. It seems like day after day the same heart-wrenching lies eat away at my determination to keep living for God. Over time I've tried my best to develop thicker skin to combat the negativity this world attacks me with. Although, I've grown to find that there are many days that it only takes just one comment or hurtful action to rip open the walls to my frailty and let it seep down deep within. And once this wound is made, doubts, lies and insecurities all start flooding in. Thoughts from the present, painful memories from the past, and worries about the future all overwhelm me with indescribable emotions that I stuff deep inside so only I need to bear them. Some hurts have never fully left and continue to re-expose time after time on a deeper level. Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever fully dissolve or dissipate.

What I have found refreshing with stuffing emotions and hiding heartbreak, is nothing goes unnoticed by God. He knows exactly what those emotions are that you try to hide. He sees how you try to look strong even when you're welled up with hurt behind your disguised facade. He knows how those darkest moments caused your heart to never be the same again. He saw the weight of those harsh words or that terrible heartbreak that crushed your soul. God not only sees our pain, He wants to help take those painful burdens and all those stuffed emotions to ease our load. When we let go of them and release them into His hands we can find freedom from the nagging burden they have caused to wear on our soul. It may require us to do it time and time again, but He's there for us to turn to when our load is getting heavy and others don't seem to understand the deep impact they have caused us to endure.

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

God never intended for us to hide ourselves in fear of being accepted by others, especially because of our faith. When you feel the weight of your troubles crushing you down, don't let the negativity, rejection or judgement from the world become so dominant that it drowns out God's voice. Seek God in prayer. Give it to Him. Look to Him for how you should handle the situation. Set free those lies and thoughts that others have of you and focus on God's never-changing love for you. It doesn't matter what the world perceives you as. They may have wrong interpretations, judgments, perceptions and gossip spread about you, but what God thinks of you is always true and His love for you will never change even when everyone else may reject you.

God should be who we go to first, but He also created others to help ease our load and provide us with encouragement through our struggles. Going to someone you respect and displays Godly wisdom is often helpful to express what you've been dealing with. Having someone to lean on during a difficult time can be refreshing, helping put things into perspective and supplying you with godly wisdom and truth. I have also found great encouragement knowing someone is praying for my needs and taking them to God in prayer.

God didn't want us to struggle alone. He didn't want us to suffer alone. He created us to be able to come to Him with our requests, struggles and troubles. He created others so we could turn to them in times of heartache. Even when it feels like others may not understand and choose to reject us, we know where we will one day be accepted. Even when it feels like God is farther away than you've ever felt, He's as close to you as He's always been. He's never left. He's right there ready and eager to hear the burdens on your heart. Take them to Him and refrain from stuffing those emotions that cause your heart to be weighted down in discouragement. He's waiting to take the weight and heavy burdens from you and accept you in with His unchanging love!

Feeding Off Praise

I often define my acceptance through the compliments and praise I receive. When I feel admired and complimented it helps me feel wanted. When I feel undervalued and overlooked it causes me to look within and wonder what’s wrong with me. What have I done that I'm not receiving praise like others around me? I have found that I seek approval most often in my performance. When my hard work goes unnoticed and someone else gets the praise, it leaves me feeling undeserving and invisible. I often catch myself comparing my performance with others who seem to get more praise. I define my worth on the compliments and praise I receive, or the lack thereof. I find my worth in what has been said about me and even in words that have never been uttered. I allow my attitude to become so reflective of the way others treat me and it stems into the way I view myself.

Praise and admiration from others is something we all need, but it shouldn’t ever become something we crave. We shouldn’t be empowered solely by other’s approval that we let it consume our thoughts. We live in a society that craves acceptance and approval. We desire to get the most reactions, likes, shares, etc. and often forget to focus on the only One whom we should be serving. We don’t have to constantly rise to the top and check off all the boxes of perfection to be highly admired in God’s eyes. God doesn’t have expectations for us like the world does. He only asks that we love others and serve Him with our heart.

Being the introvert I am, it takes effort to speak up. If I finally find the courage to speak, I quickly find that I’m drowned out by the loud rambles of others chatting away while my quiet thoughts go unnoticed. In times like these it becomes ever so difficult to muster up any love left within my heart to display to others. I find myself clenching my fists in displaying gratitude or encouragement when I’m not given the same treatment in return. When I’m feeling overlooked and this world leaves me feeling invisible and unacknowledged I let it take root in my heart. I let it steal my joy and grow into bitterness. Jealousy. Discontentment. Frustration. I see others receiving attention while my effort and intentions seem to be invisible to the rest of the world.

I allow the screaming perceptions of society and the belittling silence of neglect to dictate my worth. Both of which are ideas and assumptions, not firm truths that God has provided me with. The main source behind all of this negative thinking stems down to one source - Satan. I can’t count the times that I have become so engulfed into negative thinking and forgotten who is the primary instigator behind my doubts, insecurities and anxiety.

I’ve allowed Satan to pull me so deep into discouragement and anger, that I’ve lost sight of God’s purpose for what I’m experiencing. I get so caught up in desiring to feel accepted, admired and acknowledged that I lose sight of what really matters. I truly believe that Satan is using the very things that I struggle in the most to be consistently infiltrated into every aspect of my life with purposeful strategy. He threads in lies of deception that correlate with the areas I struggle with the most which causes me to stumble without realizing the source of deceit.

Growing up I often found myself in the corner of the room, feeling ever so invisible to the world. I was the reject that nobody wanted as their friend. Being quiet and reserved I didn't feel qualified to open up and share myself with others. I stuffed all the deep feelings of hurt and rejection inside so nobody could see how broken I was underneath the surface. I tried to show love, compassion and care for those who called me their "friend," but I didn't feel that same love in return. Time did allow some of those deep scars of the past to heal, although I have often found those same emotions emerging into areas in my daily life today. Thoughts and memories quickly flood over me like it was yesterday, haunting me that I'll never overcome the past. As time goes by those memories compile, causing those negative thoughts from my past to be reinforced into lies that are impressed upon my heart. It's like my heart was permanently stamped with the lies of my past that endlessly entrap and hamper me from who I desire to become.

Satan likes to dig deep into our past and select things that he knows has caused us affliction in the past. Like me, I know Satan too is targeting you in areas that he knows he can defeat you in. We all have felt overlooked and unaccepted. Satan likes to use the very things we rely on the most for happiness to cause us to get tripped up and messed up. He will use anything that will hinder us in our relationship with God and displaying His light to the world.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. // 1 Peter 5:8

Amidst dealing with the frustrations people pleasing brings I have to remind myself of this truth. I’m not living to please others. I’m living to display God’s love to them. I don’t have to be accepted by them. They don’t have to like me. I’m not here to be admired, liked or loved by the world. I’m not defined by their opinion of me. Their perception of me isn’t truth. My mistakes don’t determine my worth. Jesus was rejected and despised, but that never defined who He was. It defined those who were treating Him wrongly. When we display love to others and treat them how we would be treated, it displays what is within our heart.

If you find yourself craving for admiration, approval, praise or appreciation, you are probably looking in the wrong place. We never need to search for scraps of acceptance because we are fully accepted by the only One who truly matters. We can take that weight off of trying to please everyone, because it is humanly impossible. We weren’t made to live up to the expectations of everyone and cause it to inhibit us from who God created us to be. God never intended the thoughts of others to be so dominating that it overtakes our joy and self-worth. He provided us with His promises that He would always love and accept us so we wouldn’t have to run to the approval of this world.

When you feel like Satan is pulling you down a road of despair and you feel neglected by others, remember you don’t need to be defined by how you are treated, but rather how you act, react and treat others during difficult circumstances displays your true character. You can’t control how others treat you, that is up to them, but you can control how you react. Choose to let go of the lie that praise defines your worth. Rest in the firm truth that God’s love for you is all that matters and He knows your heart, even when others fail to see you, respect you, choose you, admire you or appreciate your effort. God sees and it will all be made right in time. What matters is the intentions of your heart and how you react when difficult situations arise. Choose to show your light to others despite how you are treated. Take all the mistreatment and injustice and let it be released into God’s hands for Him to seek justice. He’s got it and is taking care of it. Go and be the example of Christ that you long to see in others.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. // Colossians 3:23-25

Searching for Direction

Have you ever felt like your future was so unclear? Like every aspect of your life was uncertain? Lately I have felt like God has me in a season of fogginess. I don't know what the future holds or where God desires me to be. I don't know what God wants me to do in the here and now and I'm not sure where He plans to lead me.

Prayer is an important piece when dealing with uncertainty. Lately I have found myself lagging in my prayer life. Life gets crazy and this world we live in moves so fast. I get caught up in the busy day-to-day schedule that I forget to go to God in prayer. I try to take things into my own hands and make decisions based on my own knowledge, without going to God first. Things seem to move along faster when I can take control and not spend time praying about it, but I quickly find that I get myself into messes that could have been more successful if I sought God first.

Living can become quite tough when we're unsure of where we're going. I've struggled with uncertainty, waiting for God to provide me with direction when the road seemed to come to an end. Giving God the control when I didn't know what He was desiring me to do in the present has been quite humbling. Finding that I'm not meant to decide my future on my own has been challenging, yet relieving. I've grown worried that I'm not doing what I should be where God has me. I've become anxious with how to plan for the future when I don't know the next step and what lies next. Although even when I was in the midst of worry and anxiousness, I felt peace knowing that I didn't need to have it all together and in control for God to be working.

Maybe your life right now feels uncertain. Maybe each area of your life feels like you don't know what God desires from you to be actively doing. Maybe you feel like you've done all you know to do and you're at a dead end. Sometimes God wants us in a place of uncertainty with no way out so we look up and seek after Him instead of establishing our own path.

If you're in a place of uncertainty and feeling like you need direction, go to God in prayer. Prayer can be something that often seems cumbersome, but is a mighty tool that God has used since He walked the earth to display His power. Prayer might seem like it is a slower process of finding direction, but if things came easily we wouldn't appreciate them as much. No good thing is appreciated as much if it comes along easily.

Take time and seek God in prayer. Ask Him to provide direction in the areas you feel uncertain in. List out the areas you are worried or anxious about. Be precise and detailed. God loves to listen to your heart, He doesn't get bored. Bring them to God and hand over the control you desire and let go of the burden it's bearing on you. Ask God to lead you in the direction He has planned for your life and that He would reveal to you what you need to do right now. Let Him guide you in the way He has established for your life. When things feel like they are out of your hands, that's the perfect place for them to be because they are in His!

When Life Doesn't go as Expected

Expectations of who I am and what I'm supposed to become are broadcasted each day into my mind. Lies infiltrate into the deepest areas of my heart and resound so loudly that I tap into the deception. It doesn't take much for me to be deceived into believing they are truth.

I've felt the pressure to be perfect. I've tried to attain it with all my heart. Day after day it feels like a losing battle when I constantly fall on my face and feel like an utter failure. No matter how hard I try I won't be able to please everyone. If I were trying to please everyone, I wouldn't be pleasing God. I become so focused on pleasing others and are pulled into who they expect me to be that I lose focus on just being me, and even greater, pleasing God.

Society places pressures on us daily, in fact, momentarily. I have found the perceptions and expectations to be unbearable at times. I've grown discouraged with how far my life feels from the perfection society desires. I should be more successful at my job. I should be married. I should have children and a beautiful home. I should be smarter. I should have more friends. I shouldn't be honest. I shouldn't expose my flaws. I should have my life under control. I should have a 5 year plan. I should be achieving all my goals.

I have many desires for who I am and who I want to become, but I often find myself anxiously discouraged with where my life is currently stuck. I've prayed and tried to take steps in directions I've desired, but it seems like God keeps closing doors. It's difficult to be patient with God's timing when society has a strict timeline on when things should be occurring. I find it difficult to get my life together when I have no idea what direction God wants me to take or where He's leading me.

I look to the timing society has brainwashed me into thinking, and I have to remind myself that my life isn't decided by society. I get so caught up in what is "normal" or "popular" and lose sight of what God views as perfect for me. God's plan is unique just for my life. Not for my family or best friend, but just for me. Why am I looking to society to know what is best, when I have a God that knows my heart, desires, intimate needs and necessities better than I ever will?

When I look to society and the perceptions that weigh down my heart, I've grown to realize that I don't need to be placed into the tiny box of what is expected. I have a God who is capable of doing the impossible and working outside the box of the expected. He's using even the dormant stages of my life for something fruitful and prosperous. I shouldn't desire to live a life in expectation of every plan being certain and secure, when I'm living a life of faith in God. Faith requires trust. It requires us to experience difficult opportunities to truly prove if that trust is real or if it will be broken by the harsh winds of difficulty.

Do you feel caught up in the expectations of society, leaving you feeling anxious and discouraged when they don't fall in line with what is expected? Don't lose heart. We weren't made to fit into the plans that society has established. We were called to live a life that has a deeper value than what others are living for. We have a God that is capable of working through the darkest valleys and most helpless of circumstances and allowing something miraculous to arise.

The next time you feel dominated by what others think or perceptions that this world has deceived you into thinking, ask yourself if it is based on truth? Does God think that way about you? Is He placing those expectations on you? Is He perceiving you that way? I believe you'll find that the answer is not Him, but rather us and Satan putting those burdens on ourselves.

I've fallen into the trap of yearning to please others and not look like a fool for letting them down. I've tried to seek perfection, hoping that others wouldn't see my shortcomings. I've allowed others to take advantage of me because I was afraid to make a stand. I've acted like everything was okay because I was afraid of admitting my need for help. In the end, I don't have to be accepted by this world. I'm not seeking approval from anyone here on this earth. I only need to live my life to glorify God. Nobody else. If others reject me or aren't accepting of me, I don't have to feel consumed by their disapproval, because I know that I have a steadfast love from God that will always welcome me in. He understands the deep ache rejection can bring, because He experienced it firsthand. If we're rejected or unaccepted in this world because of Christ, we are considered blessed. We have great reward in heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. // Matthew 5:11

Choose to focus on striving to live for God and not the world. It is a difficult task to strive for in the dominating society we live in that seems to attack us everyday. Even more than we may realize. Seek God in prayer and ask Him help keep you focused. Strive to live for Him and let the perceptions that tangle your thoughts be cut loose from the truths that God has instilled upon your heart. Don't ever lose sight of doing what is right. No matter how different the world is from what it once was, what is right and wrong still remains. Society doesn't change truth. God established it and what He promised will never change across time.

And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good. // 2 Thessalonians 3:13

But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened." // 1 Peter 3:14

When Life Feels Small

Another week goes past. The same struggles. The same issues. Some things just never seem to change.

As an aspiring designer seeking to grow my business and attain personal goals, I find myself often feeling unaccomplished. There are days that pass that I feel unsuccessful. It is a hard balance to achieve all that I want to become while still living my life to the fullest intent God has for me. It feels like a constant battle to reach a larger audience, while still remaining faithful to God and not getting caught up in the publicity side of things.

While I seek to reach others and use the talents God has bestowed upon me, I have to continually remind myself that it's not about the likes, comments, followers or popularity. It's all about having the right heart while doing what God calls me to do. Sometimes it's hard to remain patient in times of inactivity. We may be putting in the effort, but we don't see any results.

I've been comparing my life to successful friends and entrepreneurs and feeling discouraged at times. Where I would like my life to be in comparison to where I currently am is so distinctively different. Things that I wished would have occurred by now have become far-fetched dreams. Things that I wonder if they will ever be fulfilled.

Maybe you've been seeking God for guidance or answers, but it seems as though you have not gotten the answers or direction you've been pleading God for. Currently I'm enduring through a season of uncertainty of what God is expecting of me. I've been seeking Him for direction, but I feel like I'm headed nowhere.

I've often wondered how am I supposed to know what to do with my life now, if I don't have any direction? How can I plan out my life if I don't know what God has in store for me?

Maybe you feel discouraged with your life. Maybe you feel like every aspect of your life feels uncertain or unknown. Although it's not an enjoyable place to be, I think it is where God desires us to be the most. When we aren't relying on our strength to establish our plans or determine our steps, we need to rely on the only One who can work through our uncertainty and lead us in the path He has established for us.

Can I just be frank in saying that I've often felt as though God's plans lead me down a path of difficult terrain that leave me feeling broken and tired. I look around and see others on a different route full of happiness and success, while I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. At times it has felt as though God was trying to strip away my happiness. It was like He didn't want to see me happy. I've grown weary in the wait and wondering if the unexciting life I seem to be leading will ever turn out like I've dreamed. Although I've felt these emotions before, I know they are not based on truth. God never delights in seeing us suffer. He may allow suffering, but He is doing it for the sole purpose to strengthen us, not to ever harm us.

I've come to the conclusion that God has never called us to plan out every detail of our lives and feel responsible to determine our steps. I've burdened myself with the duty to plan out my future so that I could find success in my career, relationship status or personal walk with God. Although my aspirations may be filled with good intentions, it has quickly taught me that my plans are not God's plans. I may think I know what I need, but God knew what I would need before time began and intricately knows my heart better than I do. He knows the effects of the things I desire and how I can only see a tiny piece, when He sees the end result.

God just asks us to have the faith of a mustard seed. Being that it is one of the tiniest seeds created puts into perspective what God intends our faith to look like. He doesn't expect us to have an extensive amount of faith, but finds joy in even our tiny forms of faith. In fact, once planted, mustard seeds can grow to become the largest of all garden plants. Even the tiniest seeds of faith can blossom into the largest victories.

If we have the willingness to "plant" our seed of faith, God will sustain it and allow it to grow. Even when it feels like nothing is occurring and we're awaiting our opportunity to grow, we can rest assured that God is strengthening us through the unknown. In times of uncertainty it is best to seek after God and closely walk with Him. Spend extra time in His Word. Surrender your plans to Him. Ask Him to direct your paths. When we submit to Him, He will do what He has promised, to direct and lead us in the way we should go. When we know that God is leading us, we have no need to be anxious or afraid. We can rest assured that in the uncertainty and foggy future, that feels like it is taking forever to get us to any sign of hope, is God leading us directly in the way that He has deemed us to go. And when planted, the tiniest of seeds can produce an abundance of fruit that only could be grown with both sun and rain.

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. // Matthew 17:20

In Prayer [Free Download]

I’ve found the discouragement of my situations debilitating at times. It feels as though I’m losing the fight and my life is crumbling into pieces. I’ve grown discouraged in feeling God near and working in my circumstances.

How often I forget that God never intended us to carry the weight alone. We have a powerful tool to help equip us against the enemy and struggles of this world. I have to admit the excessive amount of time I’ve spent discussing my problems with others and my thoughts running rampant, instead of handing them over to God through prayer. How I overlook the power of prayer and handing my needs over to God so He can work through them effectively.

 I decided to put together eight prayers that have been on my heart recently. Prayers I have prayed in intimate moments in my own personal walk with God. I hope that you could find them as encouragement in your prayer life as well!

Download the Free PDF

When My Thoughts Grow Restless [Poem]

My mind continually pulls me into a trap of deceptive thoughts

Leaving my stomach anxious and tied up in knots

I grow fearful of the future and uncertain of what lies ahead

Sometimes I become so lonely on the path that I tread

Where are You Lord? What are You doing?

Sometimes the plan You have for me can feel so confusing

Questions arise that keep my mind up wandering all night

Thoughts that leave me doubting and wanting to give up the fight

Buried hurts that run so deep, they feel like more than I can take

Why won't time seem to cure this penetrating ache?

Each new struggle is another blow on a wounded heart

Allowing the memories to come rushing back in and tear me apart

Wondering what good is coming from this enduring struggle

Seems like my hope and strength are beginning to crumble

My life feels so uncertain and unclear

Lord, please give me wisdom to not give up and to preservere

Remind me to focus only on Your perception of me,

Because You look so much deeper than what the world can see

When I feel like this world rejects me and I don't belong

Be my strength, O Lord, help me remain strong

Don't let me lose heart when thoughts attack and prevail

Help me remember that You never forsake and Your love never fails

Give me direction and fill me with Your peace

Help me give over the worries on my heart and let my suffering cease

Abolish all thoughts that haunt me of these painful memories

Don't let me fall into Satan's deceptive treachery

Restore my focus to be set on You

Help me overcome, please see me through

Take my life and use it for something of worth

Help me live for eternity, do what's right, and not focus on things of this earth

Give me the strength to let go and hand over my burdens to You,

Because I know that You're the only One that will see me through

Thank You for always remaining by my side

And desiring to love me for who I am on the inside

You value my worth and understand my every heartbreak

And when the world rejects me, I know You will never fail or forsake

You delve deep inside and see my heart

You aren't afraid to remain close even when I'm feeling broken and torn apart

Take my life and use it to fulfill Your plan

Because I know You're using the uncertainty and painful things in far better ways than I can ever comprehend!

The Fear of Saying No

Have you ever felt like your day-to-day responses only consisted of "yes" answers to other's requests? Have you found yourself unable to say "no" when you're feeling overwhelmed and worn out? What reasons do you find are the source of your inability to refrain from taking on too much?

I am one of those people who has a very bad habit of being unable to say "no" to the incessant requests that others throw my way. I often find myself overworked in doing favors for others because I have the fear of letting them down. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy when others reach out to me, since I find great encouragement in being able to help. Although, I admit my weakness when it comes to saying "no." I don't want to put others in a bad situation and disappoint them. In all honesty, I want to be perceived as the person others can count on. I want to be reliable. I admire to being their "go to" person in times of need.

Let me just say that there is a fine line between being reliable and being overworked. I can't count the times that I've put myself into stressful circumstances only to please others. I try to avoid conflict at all costs, so usually the best solution is to just push through it, even if I'm privately grinding my teeth through the process.

Seeking to fulfill other's expectations, we place the pressure on ourselves to fulfill their every desire in fear of looking incapable or imperfect. We don't want to appear flawed, so we do whatever we can to put on the mask of being superhuman and working ourselves to the bone to accomplish what needs to get done.

It is here where it is difficult to distinguish how far is too far in serving others. When do you decide whether it's time to say "no" when you feel so burdened to say "yes?" When I turn down someone's offer, I feel guilt flood over me, thinking that I let them down or appear ungodly for not being willing to help them out. While God admires a servant’s heart, He also desires that we prioritize our lives effectively.

I tend to prioritize how others view me over God's perception of me. Often times I find happiness and contentment in knowing I am helping someone else. While this isn’t wrong, I have found that it so easily transforms into selfish desires in trying to impress others. Even though I may be serving, my heart sometimes gets so caught up in the desire to satisfy the needs of others with selfish intent as my motivation. My happiness has fed off the expectations of others, instead of setting boundaries and focusing on the true purpose of God's intention of helping others. I don’t need to take on more than I can handle to be fully loved and accepted by God.

I can’t count the times I’ve taken on too many things in the fear of letting others down and appearing incapable. I’ve felt like I’ve had to prove my worth by taking on too much. In result, I became worn out, weary and run down, resulting in my time with God being impaired, and probably looking like a total maniac in the process. It was during these times that I felt I didn’t have enough time for God. If I only knew that I needed God the most during those times to get my perspective right. I can't count the times that I prioritized helping others, thinking I was doing the right thing, when in reality, my relationship with God was being so greatly neglected in the process.

We may feel the need to consistently say “yes” when our schedule is screaming at us to say "no." God doesn’t expect us to wear ourselves thin in serving others. Especially when we’ve forgotten why we're serving and we’re only in it to gain praise, fulfillment or personal gain. God desires us to have a servant's heart, but it all stems down to why we're saying "yes." Is it to receive praise, recognition, profit or to people please? Are we only saying "yes" to find fulfillment and look good in front of others? Maybe you even have the right heart intent in saying "yes" but you're finding yourself overwhelmed and stressed out with too many commitments.

Is your relationship with God being impacted due to your many commitments, pulling you away from the one thing that will satisfy your heart? Helping and serving others is something encouraged by God, but He never intended us to over-commit to things that will hinder our relationship with Him. The things we're doing don't influence God's love for us, but rather, He looks deeper into our heart's intent. He values when we take the time to spend with Him and desires that our heart be sincere in our relationship with Him before all else. We don't need to "do" anything to be loved and accepted by God. We don't have to prove ourselves to others to be valued by God. When our heart is right, we will have the desire to genuinely serve and help. When we are faced with opportunities flooding in we can seek God in prayer to ask for direction as to which areas He desires us to say "yes" to and which areas we should say "no" to. 

Take a few moments in prayer and ask God if there are any areas that are pulling your attention away from Him or if He would desire you to say "yes" to. Seek Him for direction and wisdom in prioritizing your commitments and opportunities to be used to strengthen your relationship with Him. God admires a servant's heart who is willing to love and help others, but He never intended you to meet up to everyone's expectations and become overwhelmed by too many commitments.

The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected. // Proverbs 29:25

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. // Galatians 1:10

Driven to Impress

Have you ever felt burdened with the continual expectations of perfection you need to meet up to day after day? Are you tired of feeling like you need to hide behind the fake facade you display for others to see?



It's a never-ending battle to feel accepted in this world we're in. We live in a society that tries to include everyone, but by doing so it is impossible to effectively please everyone, resulting in people feeling upset and overlooked.

As a graphic designer, I've found it challenging, and very belittling at times, with the constant influx of opinions and ideas thrown at me day after day. I put my heart and effort into a project to make sure it's the best I can do. I spend time trying to focus on what each client is desiring, and create something I think they will like. It's a struggle to not become discouraged when things don't meet up to the expectations of others. When others voice their negative feedback of my work it feels personal. It seems as though my work wasn't good enough, making me not good enough. I've carried this aspect into various areas in my life.

I don't know about you, but I find myself constantly basing my worth by my performance. I allow how others perceive me to become truth in my mind. I conjure up thoughts in my head of what I think others may be perceiving me as, and at times, I probably let them grow way out of proportion. This leaves me feeling insecure and leading me to become discouraged, all because of what I imagine others are saying or thinking.

People pleasing is extremely tiring. Once we begin to feel accepted, it seems like we're always awaiting a drastic rejection to occur. If you've ever ridden a roller coaster, consider it smooth sailing in comparison to the act of pleasing others. When you take a ride to please others, you're in for some mountainous road ahead.

I have recently come to realize that no matter how many people may be watching or expecting me to rise up to their expectations, I only truly have an audience of One. I can find rest knowing that when I'm fulfilling the task at hand I only need to be focused on doing it for God, and nobody else. It relieves me from the pressure and opinions thrown at me from every side that expects me to perform with perfection. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. God sees our heart and our sincere intent. Others may mistake our actions, but God sees our true intentions. Knowing this truly puts things into perspective and allows me to remember the drive for my effort. It gives me peace knowing that I don't need to be perfect or flawless to be used by God.

It is a constant battle to fulfill the need to please others and consistently meet up to the endless levels of perfection we see around us. In today's society, ideas of who we are and where we should be in life bombard us from all sides. Expectations choke us in discouragement when we cannot fulfill the accomplishments of who we think we should be. I've let so many of these thoughts grow at insurmountable rates into debilitating truths that feel so defining of my worth.

Thoughts like: 

1. You have to be perfect all the time. Mistakes define you. Admitting your faults shows weakness. 
2. You can't admit you are feeling upset or struggling. You can't be real. 
3. You have to be at the top to be successful. 
4. You have to be making good money to be happy. 
5. You have to be married early in life, if not, something's wrong with you. 
6. Rejection displays that you are not worthy of love. 
7. You need to blend in with society, different is bad. 
8. The amount of friends you have determines your value. 
9. You need to be good at everything and if you're not the best, you need to be. 

Now, let me take a moment and switch those worldly perceptions into truths God has given us.

God's truths: 

1. You have to be perfect all the time. Mistakes define you. Admitting your faults shows weakness. I sent my Son to die for you, so through Him you don't need to be perfect. I choose those who are imperfect and weak in the eyes of the world for greatness. 
2. You can't admit you are feeling upset or struggling. I understand what it feels like to struggle and face the pain you're in, I created it, so I know. You can be honest with Me, I already know what's on your heart. 
3. You have to be at the top to be successful. I desire to use those who are willing and humble. I choose the lowly and outcasts to do amazing things. 
4. You have to be making good money to be happy. True joy is only found in me. Money and fame will not bring long-lasting contentment. 
5. You have to be married early in life, if not, something's wrong with you. I have an amazing plan for you. I will provide exactly what you need in My perfect timing. 
6. Rejection displays that you are not worthy of love. Others will reject you, but I will never leave or forsake you. My love for you will always remain the same. Nobody loves you more than Me. 
7. You need to blend in with society, different is bad. This world will not accept you, it's okay. Because you live for Me, others will reject you. Choose to shine in this dark world, because you were created to make a difference. 
8. The amount of friends you have determines your value. People or possessions don't determine your worth. I created you in My image and you are valued in My sight. I'm on your side. 
9. You need to be good at everything, and if you're not the best, you need to be. Others look at your performance and focus only at what they can see, but I look at your effort and your heart's intent. 

When others criticize something I've done or reject me for who I am I allow it to dig deep into my heart and grow into seeds of humiliation and discouragement. I empower those thoughts to define who I am, while I'm losing sight of God's perspective of me. Others perceive me through only what they can see, while God looks past the appearance and delves deep below the surface. He sees the real you and doesn't focus on all that you've messed up, but sees you as valuable and loved. You don't have to perform or meet up to His expectations to make Him proud.

I've always found great consolation in Moses's transparency with God. I've never been good at expressing my thoughts through spoken words, so this passage with Moses has always comforted me in times of speaking.

Exodus 4:10 

But Moses pleaded with the LORD, "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled."  Then the LORD asked Moses, "Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say."

God chose to use Moses because he was willing and humble. God chose Moses, not because he would accomplish the task with flying colors, but because God could show His power through someone who was imperfect. God doesn't place expectations of perfection upon us. He will supply what we need, but we just need to have trust and a willing heart.

God doesn't love or accept us for who we are or what we will become, but loves us despite our mistakes and imperfections. We no longer have to feel defined when someone criticizes us. We don't have to feel unworthy when we can't fulfill the expectations others burden us with. We can be reminded that no opinion should ever take the place of God's view of us. He wants to protect us from the weighty load of carrying everyone's opinions and judgments and refocus only on what He sees. We can rest in God's truths in how He sees us, because they are unchanging and flawless. People's perceptions and opinions are based solely on whims, one-sided thoughts and faulty ideas, while God's perceptions of us are based on truth, remaining the same amidst the test of time.

Proverbs 29:25

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

New Devotional Study!

I'm excited to announce the release of my latest devotional study entitled "Enough."

In a world that constantly drives us to find our satisfaction in anything but God, it can leave us feeling empty and our attitude fluctuating with our circumstances. In this devotional study I share ways in which you can look at your life full of stress, worries and unmet desires and find a steadfast joy knowing that God is truly enough.

Check out this study, along with additional products online...

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Growing Weary in the Wait

Some days hit us hard and leave us with a lack of motivation to continue on. We try to be positive when frustrations come our way. We try to find a fresh focus, knowing God is working even through things that just don't make an ounce of sense. We try to find hope, even when the future is dark. Some days just drench us in negativity and weaken our worn out hearts.

In the consistency of the mundane struggles it is a constant battle to find strength and motivation to continue on. It takes effort and endurance to keep a mindset that is focused on God and not focus on all that seems wrong in our lives.

My life has been far from perfect recently, but even amidst the raging chaos of my mess, I felt God was supplying me with strength and helping me try to keep a positive perspective. It came to a plundering nosedive when emotions came rushing back in of discouragement, frustration and impatience for God to fulfill the longing desires I've been seeking to give Him.

Sometimes it feels as though it takes so much effort to stay focused and keep trusting. Days come that just trip me up and pull me right back to feeling discouraged and run-down from constantly trying. To be honest, I've grown tired. Tired of living for God in a world that takes Him out of everything. Tired of doing the right thing against the opposing current of the world. Tired of trying to encourage when I feel overlooked. Tired of getting "no" answers to my prayers. Tired of feeling like God is silent. Tired of feeling like my life is meaningless. Tired of feeling invisible. Tired of waiting for great things to happen. Tired of enduring through trial after trial, with no end in sight.

I've been earnestly trusting God to provide, but there are times that I grow so impatient. I am worn out of the waiting. The constant wondering if He will ever finally provide for my desires. It causes a deep ache in my heart to see others so easily getting their desires met, while mine feel like they've been cast to the side and never treated with the same importance.

Maybe you've grown weary in the waiting and feel like you're surrounded by the deafening silence. Maybe you've grown tired in pressing on and continuing to fight day after day with no end in sight. Maybe you are tired of hoping for God to work, and it seems like every day is filled with the same mundane tasks. Maybe you are lost and seeking for direction on what God wants from you.

As a person who likes a planned out future, uncertainty irks me to death. During these times I find it helpful to remember these truths:

• God supplies all of our needs, probably thousands more than we may ever be aware of.
• God's timing is flawless and shouldn't be questioned or tampered with.
• God is working in the silence, that's usually when He works in us the most.
• God has purpose for where you are right now. You're there for a special reason.
• God uses even the most mundane of tasks to strengthen our character.
• God is attentive to our prayers, not one of them is forgotten or missed.
• It is impossible for God to ever fail us.
• Trials aren't punishment, but opportunities that God wants us to draw closer to Him.
• If God is saying "no" or "wait," He isn't withholding something beneficial from you, but rather protecting you from something that could possibly be hurtful or harmful.
• God's future for us is perfectly planned out, nothing is out of place.
• Satan uses any opportunity to get us discouraged, but God desires to give us hope.

Psalm 34:17-18: The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

We may not understand the reason for our current circumstances and the incessant wait we are enduring through, but we do have God's promises and truths to provide us with peace amidst the uncertainty. Knowing that God's got it all under control and is working things out, allows me to find rest and relieves me of the insurmountable pressure to take control. Whatever struggle you may be feeling engulfed in, remember that God is near. He's got this all under control, and when you've done all you can do, you simply just need to seek after Him and trust that He will lead you when His timing is right.

Dear Lord, I may not understand the purpose for the circumstances you have placed me in, but I trust that You've got it under control. Give me the strength to let go and hand over my desires to You so You can direct me and lead me right where I need to be, in Your perfect timing. Remind me that even when the waiting gets long, You are using this time for something of great purpose. Give me wisdom to use my life right now for Your glory. Help me to find contentment in my present situations and remember that You are working even in the silence. You remain by my side even no matter how dark the road gets. Keep me focused on You and not lose sight of the end goal. Reveal to me what you desire to teach me during this waiting period and strengthen my relationship with You. Help me to overcome the wait and come through it strengthened and refined.

Why Hope?

When we're in the midst of life's darkest storms the hardest thing to find is hope. How can we hope for anything good to come from something so dismaying? Why should we find good in this situation? How can we have faith knowing God is going to ever answer our requests when it feels like He's continually disregarding our desires? Will He ever bless us with joy instead of the constant struggles that never seem to cease?

We may be in a place of utter despair. We may feel like our world has been shattered. Even though we may feel trapped in the current discouragement of our present circumstances, we can find hope.

Hope doesn't involve security. It doesn't require you knowing the certainty of your future. It doesn't involve a planned out future with perfect happy days. True hope is when we have an unknown future, with a secure faith in God, even before our circumstances change. We can rest in God because we have His promises to root our faith in. God has promised us that He will provide exactly what we need, in His perfect timing. He has promised us that He will direct us when we place our trust in Him. We don't have to worry when terrible things happen or our future is unclear. We can have hope knowing that He is directing, protecting and providing just what we need, in the timing we need it. He's taking care of things and has it all planned out, we don't need to worry.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hope doesn't just involve a happy longing for the future, it runs much deeper than that. Hope is a tight-knit bond with faith and belief. We need to believe in the object we are placing our hope in. Why would we get our hopes up if we were afraid we would only be let down?

I have found that my heart gets so much more broken when I allow my mind to run ahead of me and I get my hopes up for what "could be." I struggle often in letting my mind run ahead of me with the desires I have, only to be discouraged when they don't turn out the way I had imagined them in my mind. It's because I was placing my hope in my dreams, my desires or in something that continually will change. I wasn't placing my hope in something secure. Something that never changes. Someone who will never let me down. Someone that's got it all in His hands. I allow my hope to be controlled by the earthly satisfactions and pleasures that will one day fade away.

Romans 8:18

I will wait for the Lord, my whole being waits and in His word I put my hope.

We can have hope for the future because there are circumstances and events that are worth looking forward to, but we shouldn't let them consume us. We shouldn't allow them to define our happiness and be our only drive to live out each day. I have allowed so many earthly desires to be my motivation for living. I have given in to the deception of thinking possessions, people, a relationship status, etc. would bring me lasting satisfaction. I've fallen for the lies that "If I just had that, then I would be happy."

Hope is not defined in earthly possessions, it is achieved through a steadfast trust in God, knowing He is working for our best even when our life feels at it's worst. We not only can have hope in the life God is working through here on this earth, but we can find an eternal hope in our future home in heaven.

Maybe you are uncertain of your eternal future. Maybe you believe in heaven, but you're not actually convinced you are going there if you die today. In God's Word it states in Romans 10:9 that: "If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Although it's a simple act, it requires a heartfelt belief and a sincere confession. Believing in God isn't just words said, granting you an access ticket into heaven, it involves a personal and long-lasting relationship with Him. As Christians we weren't promised an easy life, we were promised that it would be worth the struggle we face here when we arrive into our heavenly home. Not everyone has that hope for a future in heaven. Although we all will have eternal life, not everyone will be blessed with living in heaven with God one day. It requires belief and a need for a Savior. If you confess that you need a Savior to forgive your sins, truly believe that He came to save you and you desire to have a relationship with Him, you can find hope knowing that eternal glory is awaiting you when you leave this earth. I admit that some days that is all that I am able to find my hope in.

The hopes of this world just don't seem to satisfy the emptiness that follows being let down with the ever-changing pleasures I desire. When I place my hope in the temporary desires of this world, I am left craving for something secure. Something that won't fade with time. Something that won't let me down. That can only be found in Christ. He's the one thing that will never change. His love will always remain the same for me no matter how bad I mess up or how old I get. He promises to always provide exactly what I need. He will never abandon or forsake me. He understands the deep aches that I tuck deep inside. He accepts me and values my worth. You can have hope knowing that if you've accepted Christ as your Savior you will be awaited by a loving Father, accepting you in and desiring to spend time with you for eternity. How amazing will that be? Knowing the God of the universe loves us and we will have the opportunity to live in paradise with Him forever. No more pain. No more insecurity. No more rejection. No more discouragement. No more stress.

Romans 8:32

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

So as our heavenly Father awaits our arrival, we can have a hope knowing that our current struggles are achieving us eternal glory that will be revealed in time. God is using this time, whether a dark storm or foggy future, to strengthen our character and draw us closer to Him. No pain is worthless. No struggle is unseen. Every circumstance we encounter is being used for eternal purpose. Find your hope in knowing that God has everything in place. Nothing is out of order or forgotten. God is never surprised. He's known your future since time began. He's using this for something amazing. Rest in His promises. Remember His character. Find hope in knowing He's got it and is using it for something far beyond anything of this world.

Feeling Distracted by Discouragement

I look at my current circumstances and seek to find purpose. How can the pain be used for something worthwhile? How can my lack of success help me achieve what God has in store for me?

I struggle to keep my perspective focused on Christ, and that is where my attitude gets impacted. I allow my circumstances, treatment and opinions of others begin to define who I am. I give Satan the opportunity to nestle in and make his home in my heart. Once I fall for his schemes, I'm letting him keep getting more comfy inside my soul. 

This world so easily entangles our focus and thoughts in anything but what is eternal. Some days it takes everything within me to keep a positive outlook on life. It is so easy to not get discouraged when it seems as though everything always ends up in someone else's favor but my own. 

I look around and it seems as though everyone else is getting that perfect job. The perfect spouse. The perfect kids. The perfect talents. The perfect opportunities. The perfect life. I seek to have a glimpse of what that "perfect" might feel like, but it seems like something so utterly unattainable. Maybe because I'm looking to find perfection in all the wrong areas. I seek to aim for perfection only in the temporary aspects of my life, while forgetting that there's so much more than what I can see. 

Maybe why I'm so easily discouraged is because I'm looking for satisfaction in things that will boost my happiness, only to be left with utter discouragement when I can't keep it. If I could only secure my joy in something that would remain constant and steadfast. Knowing that God is the one source that will never let me down sounds like it would be an easy solution, but often times it feels impossible to focus solely on Him and not get distracted by my unmet desires. This world picks at our heart and causes our mind to be misled in so many directions. We were made to desire something that would fill our aching empty hearts, but yet we are looking in all the wrong areas. 

One way I have found to help overcome the distractions of this life is to recall that we are in a spiritual battle. The problems that we face everyday are just tiny glimpses of what is truly going on in the spiritual realm. The struggles, pain and difficult circumstances are only a glimpse of the amazing picture God is painting. If we can view our trials and tragedies as opportunities for growth we can begin to find a fresh perspective. When we let our discouragement overtake us and withhold us from making the most of our opportunities we are giving Satan the credit of achievement in our lives. Don't let him win. Don't let him control you. 

Root yourself in God's promises, they will remain secure in life's darkest of storms. Remember who your enemy is. Don't let him overcome. Let God fill those empty cavities that just can't seem to be satisfied by the temporary desires you crave, with an eternal perspective. Replace the negative thoughts and faulty perceptions you have of yourself with God's truth of who you truly are. Find joy in knowing where your eternal home is. This isn't the end, we're only on the brink of something so incredibly amazing!

Why Endure?

Sometimes struggles hit us hard and they leave us feeling paralyzed. Those debilitating thoughts and memories of the trial resound like a never-ending echo that just won't seem to cease. Once you think you've overcome the pain, it returns like a crashing wave of emotions flooding incessantly and feeling more oppressive than ever before. You just can't seem to rid yourself of the constant ache of the pain. What can you do to overcome? How will you get through? How are you supposed to endure? And better yet, why should you?

Maybe you've faced a circumstance that left your heart broken and feeling emptier than you ever could have imagined. Your trust was stolen and feels like it can never be restored. Trust is something so fragile and runs ever so deep. When trust is broken, it leaves us with disappointment. Not just with close relationships, but even more so in our relationship with God. When something tragic happens in our life we begin to ask questions, and in many cases, we question God's authority. We grow reluctant to hand over the intimate desires of our already battered heart, in fear of Him crushing our soul like it seemed He did in the past.

When we endure hardships, time after time, it is hard to continually recover from the intense blows thrown at us. It is in these times that we question our endurance. Why should we continue to fight? Why move on? If every time we get back up we are slammed to the ground yet again, why should we find the strength to get back up?

It's so easy to let hard circumstances get the best of us. It can seem so paralyzing to feel so out of control of your circumstances. We grow weary in the constant struggle of living in a world where it seems like evil wins and anything moral is viewed as corrupt. Where justice seems non-existent and integrity is disregarded. When effort is unrewarded and laziness is applauded. When the loudest is heard and humility is viewed as a weakness. How do we endure through the daily struggles and not lose heart?

Have you ever felt like your life was controlling you? Your thoughts and desires were overtaking your contentment and joy? Did you feel defined by your circumstances? Maybe the lack thereof? Control is something that we naturally desire. Having control over something makes us feel in authority. We don't feel helpless or uncertain when we have the control. I have found that when we have the control, we are not putting ourselves in a good position.

My first inkling when enduring through a rough situation is to take control. I want to know all the answers, details and information. I want to have insight into why it is occurring and the reasoning for God allowing it. I want to find out how it impacts my future and what lies ahead. Above all, I want to take the Driver's seat and lead my life in the direction I want it to go. I want to have full access to the details of my life and rewrite my story to be easy and pleasant. When things don't go as I had planned I feel like my desires and dreams are going unacknowledged and unheard. I want my requests for my life to be heard. It's my life so why shouldn't I?

Isn't that where we get carried away? We think this life is our own. We want our life to go our way. We want our life to be perfect like we see with all our friends. Our life is more meaningful than just being guided by our dreams and desires. It runs much deeper than that. God has called us to more than an easy life filled with perfect days with no struggles or hardships. If we didn't have difficulties what would shape our character? If we didn't have heartbreaks what would show our strength? If we didn't fail what would show our endurance? If we didn't grow weak what would show God's strength?

When terrible things occur it leaves us with many questions. Although we may never understand the full extent of our pain, we can rest assured that it is being used for an amazing purpose, in fact, probably thousands!

We can endure through our struggles knowing that each of the scars engraved on our heart are shaping us into refined gems being used by God. If we weren't faced with trials we wouldn't have the ability to seek Him and continually strengthen our character. Even though every day may seem like another mountain to trek, and the pain seems incessant, we can rest assured that it is achieving us eternal glory that we often think goes unnoticed. Each circumstance God is using to test our endurance and refine our character. We only see a tiny glimpse of the meaning our lives hold.

When we are overwhelmed with all that seems wrong in our lives, we don't have to worry because we aren't in it alone. God has promised to be by our side. He promises us that He is working for our best. He understands our pain. He never overlooks an offense. He sees every effort. He's using whatever you're enduring through to prepare you for what's ahead.

Deuteronomy 8:2

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.

It may feel like you're stuck in a "prison" with your circumstances and there's nothing you can do to escape, but God's using you right where you are so you can touch others around you that only you can do. He's placed certain circumstances into your life, although they may seem insignificant and damaging, but they are being used in remarkable ways. God is using the mundane in your life for something spectacular.

It may feel like He is withholding things from you, leaving you feeling trapped and imprisoned in, but even Paul touched millions through the letters he wrote through a time of imprisonment that he viewed as unproductive. Those letters have been used to touch so many and later became the book of Corinthians. God is using your life, although it may seem insignificant, for great things. It may seem like everyday is filled with the same daily frustrations that never cease, but He's using these tiny tests to see what's in your heart and if you remain committed. You never know just what God's using to shape you and how your actions touch others. Don't lose heart in the long lulls and enduring struggles life throws at you. This world is only temporary, but all this pain will be worth the reward!

An Unheard Cry

Have you ever felt a burden on your heart that felt like it couldn't be expressed through words. The pain cut too deep to describe. Each struggle ate away at your hope for the future and the yearning for your heart to be mended grew deeper.

The circumstances we go through sometimes wound our heart, and just when we think we are about  fully mended, something comes along to tear open that battered scar once again. It seems like we can't rid ourselves of the agonizing pain that just won't seem to release it's grip from our heart. We can't seem to grasp joy instead of the pain from the past. It feels so dominating.

In times like these it's easy to grow discouraged. It is difficult to find any consolation in the purpose of our distress. Others may listen, they try to care, but the ache sometimes runs too deep that not even the sweetest of words can bring satisfying comfort. Some circumstances only you can fully can feel the intense blow. Happy emotions and memories only return in sorrowful tears. Unforeseen circumstances left you with endless questions and a clouded perspective.

I've found that through times of uncertainty and abrupt endings have often left me with a shaken faith. I've questioned God's sovereignty and provision. Amidst the pain of the past I struggle to pull myself back off the ground and try to continue to find the courage to move on. I struggle to trust in God when it felt like the direction He was leading me only led to a dead end. I struggle to believe that God is using life's hardest days for something good. Sometimes God's way doesn't make sense. It leaves me questioning His purpose. Especially in the hard times.

One thing I have found to be true when I don't understand is to remember God's character. He doesn't withhold things from us that He knows we need. He doesn't relish in seeing us hurt. He never is surprised by our circumstances. He is protecting us. He sees the future. He doesn't change His mind. He cannot fail us.

Through it all God is with us. The pain that we thought was only our burden to bear, was His too. He knows the deep scars that no words can ever heal, because He has those scars too. Our pain isn't only ours to bear. He's always been there for us, and He won't ever leave us to endure the struggle on our own. When it seems like the indescribable hurts on your heart won't heal, go to the One who always understands. He knows the pain and you don't have to find the words, because He already knows. He cares. He'll listen. He wants your best. Ask Him to help heal those hurts and provide you with strength for the future. He'll help carry you through and will rejoice when you reach the other side!

Isaiah 43:2 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned.

Why Forgive?

I believe we all have encountered an experience when we felt as though we were treated unfairly. We were taken advantage of. Cheated. Abandoned. Rejected. Cast aside. Undervalued. Abused. Emotionally hurt. Ridiculed. Criticized. Forgotten. Persecuted. Bullied. Need I say more? The list could go on.

In times of deep hurting and pain we often find it easy to become angry and bitter. We hurt, so we want others to feel the same pain that they inflicted upon us. We want others to know the ache that they caused us and we seek to get revenge at all costs. We desire them to know the anguish they caused our heart. We don't feel as though we can feel okay again until God has brought ultimate justice. The pain feels like it is a constant burden to carry because we can't let go of the heavy ache that consistently drags our heart down every day.

We don't just grow bitter with our circumstances, lives, or even people, but when terrible things occur we look to God, the One who is in control of all things and question how He could allow this to happen. Even though forgiveness often needs to be extended to people, it deeply impacts our relationship with God. When we grow weary and angry in our circumstances, we often draw God into the mix and hold a grudge as to why He would allow pain like this if He loves us unconditionally. Sometimes we may not even realize that unresolved forgiveness is hindering our relationship with God. Take a moment and ponder if there are any areas you may be harboring unforgiveness in your heart. This may often involve some deep digging to discover areas we have been overlooking to seek out forgiveness in our lives. It could even be something from many years ago. Unresolved hurts from a painful past can sometimes feel resolved, when in reality, they are indistinctly haunting you in your present circumstances. Be sure to take some time in prayer asking God to reveal any harbored unforgiveness in your heart, because it truly does influence your relationship with God, no matter how far back the pain goes.

Forgiveness seems easy when the offenses are insignificant, until it requires us to let go of severe hurts and anguish that have tarnished our heart. This is something I have struggled with recently, and in all honesty, it's been something I have difficulty admitting my failure in. While sometimes we can find kindness to display to those who have hurt us, the ache grows deeper than the surface. We can put on a happy exterior and act like all is fine, while within us, we are battling our need to tightly grip the pain and not let it go. We seek to relive the pain because somehow it feels like by doing so, it's not being forgotten or overlooked.

I've heard it said many times that forgiveness isn't ridding someone of their actions, but rather, it is freeing you from the weighty burden it causes you to continue holding on to the pain. While I have found this to be true, it still definitely does not make the process easier. Offering forgiveness can often feel like it's taking that gaping hole in your heart and pretending like it never happened. It feels as though by handing over those hurtful experiences to God is like admitting that they didn't affect you in any way, when in reality those were the things that tore your heart in two, and in some cases, caused you to never truly be the same again.

It is here that I find myself selfishly wallowing. Self pity. Thinking only of myself and my hurts, instead of thinking how I would like to be treated if I was in that place seeking forgiveness. I would appreciate grace displayed. Let's look at a passage in scripture that relates to forgiveness.

Matthew 18:26-29

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 

"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." 

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 

As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.

Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. 

"Be patient with me" he begged," and I will pay back everything." 

The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go." 

But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. 

He grabbed him and began to choke him. 

"Pay back what you owe me!" he demanded. 

His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, "Be patient with me, and I will pay it back."

In this passage we are given the illustration on how we can interpret our actions when we choose not to display forgiveness to others when we have been extended the most undeserved grace Jesus has so freely offered. We often go around holding grudges and "choking" it out of those who have hurt us until we get our apology or desired justice. God's perspective can be interpreted as the "master" in the passage and looks at us gripping our circumstances "by the throat" and not releasing those deep scars on our heart. We expect to be forgiven, but when it comes to applying that to our personal relationships with others we expect a totally different treatment.

Looking even deeper into a love so strong that was willing to come and offer grace to us even when we didn't even desire to be forgiven. A sinner like me was offered forgiveness by a God who did no wrong and chose to love someone as lowly and imperfect as me. If a perfect God could display such grace and forgiveness to someone so undeserving as me, I too should be able to extend that same grace to others. We may never be able to fully understand the extent of God's grace for all of us, but God always sees the depth of pain that we have endured and knows the level of grace we have offered to others. Nothing goes unnoticed. Not even the deepest of pain.

Even through the hardest of circumstances when it seems like you can't let go of something that is just seems "unforgivable," we should remember these truths:

01. We are just as guilty

When we compare our life with another and determine that we haven't committed as many "dreadful" sins as that person, we must remember that in God's eyes none of us are worthy of eternity in heaven. We cannot achieve perfection without God's grace. It is only through Him that we are considered worthy to accept His free gift of eternal life. When we choose to judge others and hold a grudge or seek revenge on another, we are in fact, taking God's role of judgement. We are bearing that burden that we never were truly created to carry. God sees us all the same, no favoritism. If God can look at all of us equally and not seek revenge, shouldn't we too?

02. Don't let Satan win

Shifting the perspective on our circumstances can help us see things in a different light. When we choose to hold the bitterness within our hearts and cease to offer forgiveness it truly affects our relationship with God, others and even ourselves. When Satan deceives us with his underhanded schemes he is drawing us away from the true Source who can help mend our brokenness. Satan wants to get us so caught up on the pain that we won't let go. He wants us to continually wallow in our self-pity just like a snowball rolling down a large hill, accumulating and growing as it picks up speed over time.

03. There could be more than meets the eye

Sometimes there's more to a circumstance than we can see. We only see one side of the story, while God sees the whole picture. We don't always know what others are going through and what they're dealing with. It isn't our place to judge them and seek revenge when we don't know what is fully going on. You never know what battles they may be facing.

04. This circumstance isn't about me, but rather about how God is displayed

This is a tough one. Our circumstances aren't about us, but how we handle them. Did we become angry and seek revenge or did we display love and compassion? It's a hard thing to do. In every circumstance we should focus not on how we've been hurt, but rather how we acted through it. Did others see Christ displayed in us? Did they see a difference in us? Did we choose to act how Jesus would? Or did we let our feelings get the best of us? Choose to react how Jesus would. Display His love towards others even when it goes against your feelings.

05. Offer your forgiveness, it's up to them to accept it

Sometimes people aren't aware of the deep wounds they caused on your heart. Sometimes people don't want to admit to their actions. Sometimes the pain of the circumstance is hard enough to endure, let alone when you never got that apology. When it didn't mean enough to that person to make it right. When they didn't realize how their actions hit you harder than they realized. When the pain you suffered through felt like it went unnoticed and unheard. When someone who deeply hurt us doesn't offer an apology it makes the process that much more difficult. When we display forgiveness, even to someone who isn't sorry for what they've done, we aren't letting what they did slip through the cracks and get overlooked. God is still taking care of it. It's just one less thing we need to burden our heart with. We are giving it over to God and letting Him handle it. We aren't choosing to seek revenge or harbor on the hurtful things anymore. In result, we are setting free that "disease" that was contaminating our soul. When we feel unable to offer forgiveness we can seek God for strength to be able to offer them grace even when we don't have the love to display it on our own. We no longer have to feel infected with that "sickness" eating away at us anymore. Christ has healed our heart filling it with His love, so in result, we can display it to others.

Forgiveness is something that doesn't happen overnight. It's not something that we can check off our list and mark it as "complete." Sometimes true forgiveness from a hurtful circumstance can take immense time to overcome. Offering up forgiveness isn't often just a one time thing, in many cases we need to do it repetitively until we finally are able to hand it over to God and move on. Even though the pain of the circumstance may seem like it's being "forgotten" by offering your forgiveness it never goes unnoticed by God. He sees the pain and the effort it took to forgive that person. He sees. He knows. Go to Him and ask Him to reveal to you any unforgiveness that you may have been harboring over time. Don't let it come between you and Him. Your relationship with Him is more valuable than that circumstance you can't let go of. Ask Him to help you let go of the grip you so tightly hold and release the situation into His hands. He's a fair Judge. He'll take care of it in the best way possible.